Crimson Cabin
by ShellGrad
Summary: Lisbon needs time to get away but to do that, she's going to need to blackmail someone for help and trick her team into not following all at the same time. COMPLETE, Sequel "Puniceus Protege" to follow
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the Mentalist.**

**I'm really excited about this story. It's going places. I hope you guys like it too. It's looking to be at least maybe 10 chapters. Click the nice little review button and leave me your thoughts :)**

* * *

_Santa Rosa, California_

There are certain distinctive sounds you never forget in this world. The click of the hammer on a handgun being pulled back directly behind your head is one of them. "Hey there, Danny," he heard a familiar feminine husky voice whisper. "Seems you've been a very bad boy."

"Is that something you can prove?" He smirked with a small laugh, quickly shutting up and wincing when the cold metal barrel pressed into his skull.

"Shut up and start the car," the mysteriously familiar woman demanded. "Head north and get on 29."

He did as she requested. After he'd been driving for a few miles on the highway, his silent captor crawled to the front seat, still pointing the gun at him. He chanced a glance to meet her green eyes in the sparse streetlight. "Agent Teresa Lisbon, it's been a while."

"Danny Ruskin, it certainly has. Still conning people I see."

He smirked. "Where's your evidence, agent?"

"I've got all the evidence I need, Danny boy," she warned.

"Then why am I driving north on the highway 29 rather than sitting handcuffed in the back of a squad car?"

"Because I need to get out of the state and I need to do it inconspicuously. And you're going to help me, Danny."

"You sound so sure."

"You can't afford _not _to help me, Danny. Any more marks on your record and they'll send you to jail. So, you help me get out of this place and I'll forget everything I've seen the past few days. But I'll hold on to the pictures for insurance purposes. You understand."

"I do. Patrick's taught you well." Even in the low light, he could see her face harden at his former brother in law's name. He smirked. "Ah, so that's why you chose me. Patrick's more than capable of getting out of the states. So what are you doing? Escaping him? What happened? You two get into an argument?"

"It's none of your business." She crossed her arms and stared out the passenger window.

"Alright," he sighed and turned his focus to driving. They'd been driving for 10 minutes when a thought struck him. "Hey, where am I driving to?"

"Washington."

"Washington?" He nearly slammed on the brakes but thought better of it.

"Yeah," Lisbon shrugged.

"Look, I can't just up and drive to Washington, okay?" He pretended not to be intimidated as she cocked the gun and an eyebrow. "No. I at least need to stop for some clothes at my place."

"Fine," she replied smoothly, putting the gun away. "He won't be on the trail yet, anyway," she muttered to herself, not knowing he'd heard it as well or seeing his concerned frown.

Call him crazy but there was something about tiny but tough woman with kind eyes that made him want nothing but good things for her, to protect her from the world. There was something special about her. She made you want to be a better person. Always on the right side of the law but with the ability to bend it if it was for the best. No wonder his former brother in law liked her. She was a lot like Angela, except he was never attracted to his sister. He pulled into his usual parking space.

"It's, uh, just down the block. You want to stay here or – " The closing of the passenger door answered his unfinished question. "Okay," he said as he also stepped out and led the way. "It's probably for the best. This isn't the safest neighborhood."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you," she quipped with a grin he couldn't help returning.

* * *

Danny used his shoulder to push the uncooperative door open, compulsively shoving dirty trash and belongings out of sight. "Uh, sorry for the mess. Didn't know I was being kidnapped and blackmailed tonight," he laughed awkwardly. He chanced a glance at her amused look amongst the dark shadows that hadn't left her face despite the bright lighting in the apartment. "You okay?" he asked and watched her face quickly form into a scowl. "Right. You'd never tell me the truth anyway."

She scoffed. "Oh, please. You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the head."

He couldn't help the smirk growing across his face. "Anyone ever tell you you're really violent?"

"Eh," she shrugged nonchalantly, perusing the old carnival posters he'd hung on the walls of the sparse apartment. "Suspects, my brothers, partners I've worked with, Jane…" She paused mid-step at the last one, frowning to herself.

Yes, there was definitely something there, Danny decided. "Hey, you wanna grab some dinner before we head out? Washington's a long drive away."

She turned around then, hands in pockets. "Nope. Can't show my face just yet. Don't worry, our first stop is only an hour away. You can grab some grub there."

"'Grab some grub?'" he asked with a raised eyebrow, chuckling when she threw one of his own pillows at him.

"Shut up," she grumbled, her small smile betraying her supposed anger.

* * *

_Middletown, California_

"Why are we stopping here?" Danny asked as he shut off the engine in the gas station parking lot.

"Well, for one, we could use some food and caffeine."

"And two?"

"I need a few things for my new look."

"New look?"

"Jane's going to be looking for me eventually. If not him, then the team. Once they are, it's best if I don't look like me."

He shook his head but remembered he was somewhat being held captive. "So, what am I buying for this new look?"

"For now, just peroxide," she answered as she handed over a ten dollar bill.

"What do you mean 'for now?'"

She sighed impatiently. "Baby steps, Danny. Never leave a conspicuous paper trail. I can't buy everything in one place. It sends up a red flag."

"Even with cash?"

"Even with cash. Do you know how many cashiers I've questioned on the job? How many receipts I've had to look through? There's a record even if it isn't bought with a card. There might not be a name with cash but there's a list of items, a date, and a time. They would know what to look for and where to go if I made too many rookie mistakes. Which reminds me, turn off your cell phone. We don't want to be tracked."

"Are you in some kind of trouble, Teresa?"

"No, _Daniel_," she growled as if impatient with a grown two-year-old man-boy. "Just go get the stuff and come back."

"Fine, but you're going to answer my questions before we get to Washington," he said before getting out and slamming the car door in frustration.

"That's what you think," Lisbon sang to herself inside the car, laughing a little.

* * *

"Here's your crap," he said, shoving a paper bag in her lap before turning the ignition and putting the car in reverse.

"Don't take the highway just yet. Stop in a woody area just outside of town."

"Okay…Mind telling me why?"

"Are you patient enough to wait until we get there?"

"Conmen have to be patient."

"It's practically a job requirement, huh?" she grinned.

A small laugh escaped him. "Yeah, something like that." He looked at her briefly, admiringly, before turning his attention back to the road. Fifteen minutes later he stopped in a dark, secluded area just outside of town, surrounded by trees. He killed the engine. "So, what's the plan?"

"The plan," she said as she dug some things out of a duffel bag, "is to commence with phase one of changing my appearance." She jumped out of the car and turned around at the edge of the trees, pointing a flashlight at him. "You coming?"

He wordlessly got out and followed her. She stopped when they could no longer see the road. He watched as she balanced the flashlight in the crook of a tree. She handed him the empty paper bag, positioning his hands so that they were on either side and holding it open. She then put a good-sized mirror at the top of his hands, just above the paper bag. "I'm just a tool to you, aren't I?"

"Tools can be useful. How else would we build bookshelves and fix toilets?" She quipped as she looked at herself in the mirror, bringing out a pair of scissors.

"Ha ha ha, very clever," he retorted with a scowl.

She smirked as she began to cut off her hair. "I thought so."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Cutting my hair, what does it look like I'm doing? Now, don't move. We have to make sure not to drop any strands of hair."

"You really think they'll look that closely?" He asked skeptically.

She chuckled slightly. "You don't know my team. The cell phones are off because Van Pelt is the best agent on the computer I've ever worked with. That's also the reason I've planned out the shopping list the way I have. Van Pelt would find it and Cho would piece it together. Jane has an eye for detail and a keen mind that would not only spot the hair but know to look for it."

"So, we put it in the bag and then what? You going to carry your old hair around with you? That's creepy."

"No." She rolled her eyes as she lopped more hair off. "We're going to dig a hole, burn it, and bury it."

"Should I go back to the car and get the gasoline?"

"No. No accelerants. Rigsby will pick up on it. Best arsonist there is," she said with a proud smile.

"What does it matter if we bury it?"

"For one, the accelerant will leave traces. Secondly, it has more of a chance of getting out of control and a forest fire will completely blow my plan out of the water."

"Speaking of this plan, where do I fit into this? Surely you aren't blackmailing me just for a chauffeur."

"Who says you're just a chauffeur? You bought the peroxide too."

"So, I'm a personal shopper now? Teresa, there are plenty of people you could have gotten to help you with this. Which brings me to my next question. Why didn't you do this at your apartment?"

"And practically hand them the clues? You know as well as I do that the first thing Patrick Jane is going to do is pick the lock on my apartment."

"You know, you sure are going to a lot of trouble to get away from him," he surmised quietly. He continued instead of the daggers she was sending him. "And you still haven't told me why you need me. Seems like you've got a good handle on the whole running away thing."

"I need a new identity for a while. I assume you can make me a new ID?"

"No."

She stopped mid cut to look up at him. "What?"

"What? I honestly can't do it. I'm not saying I _won't_ do it. I'm saying I _can't_ do it."

"What the hell?"

"You know, Teresa, not all criminals are the same. And would you stop it with the cutting? You won't have any hair left if you keep it up."

She pouted but slowed down her agitated clipping. She placed the last lock of hair in the bag and put the scissors away, bringing out the peroxide. "Will you dig a hole and put the paper bag in it?"

He did as she asked and watched as she carefully leaned over the hole, pouring the peroxide over her short hair. "What's that for?"

"To strip the color from my hair." She righted herself and brought out a match, striking it and dropping it on the small bag. The liquid soaked bag quickly lit and Lisbon gathered her things in the combined light of the flashlight and small, flickering flames. She finished up and turned to face him. "Now we just need to wait until the flames die down."

"Alright," he said a little dazed, watching the way the flames danced in her eyes. He turned away after a moment and took a deep breath. _Keep_ _it together, Danny boy_, he told himself. Falling for Teresa Lisbon could be dangerous.

* * *

_Red Bluff, California_

"What are we getting now?" Danny asked at yet another gas station, his eyes a bit heavy.

"Red hair dye. Hey, why don't I drive for a while?"

"Sure. Any particular shade?" He yawned.

She shrugged as she handed him money. "Surprise me."

Danny rolled his eyes but stepped out of the car nonetheless. There was nothing worse than a woman saying those words. They almost _always_ led to disastrous results. He bought the dye and returned to find his traveling companion in the driver's seat. He sat on the passenger's side and minutes later, found himself sitting in the faint glow of a flashlight yet again in the dark of the woods. He watched as Lisbon followed the instructions on the back of the box and rinsed the dye out over a small stream. "Aren't you afraid of getting caught?"

"By the time they find this place, the dye will be miles away and so will I in the other direction."

He let loose a silent sigh but said nothing. This was getting to be a little ridiculous. Sure, he knew how to be careful and disappear but this was bordering on paranoia.

"I'm not paranoid, you know." Lisbon rinsed the last of the dye out before collecting their things and heading back to the car. "I've worked alongside Jane long enough to know how he sees things. Plus," she added in a graver voice, "it isn't the first time I've run away. I know what I'm doing."

Danny frowned for the umpteenth time but still said nothing as he followed her and stretched out in the passenger seat, closing his eyes.

* * *

_Eugene, OR_

Just as the sun began to rise, Danny sat up and yawned. "What are we buying in this city?"

"_You_ are buying a day in a hotel," she said as she handed him two twenties. "I'm going to sneak around the back and avoid the cameras."

He placed his hand on her arm gently, stopping her from opening the door. "Okay, this whole spy thing has been fun but you don't even look like you anymore. The pixie hair cut, the red hair dye, the amber colored contacts…A hotel security camera won't be able to tell the difference and whoever's working at the crack of dawn wouldn't be able to tell the difference if they even cared."

She debated for a moment before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Alright, but I'm pulling into an alley and you're going to face forward at all times," she said as she climbed in the backseat after they'd reached their temporary destination. "If you turn around, I'll shoot you."

"Okay, but will you at least tell me why?"

"I have to change my clothes, Daniel," she explained with a heavy dose of mocking. "I can't walk into a hotel wearing these clothes. Jane probably has my wardrobe memorized by now," she muttered to herself before continuing a little louder. "And people like you are always saying I look like a cop. Luckily I have a dress – "

"You brought a dress?" he asked incredulously. He could practically hear her eyes rolling.

"Yes, every woman packs a dress no matter what. You never know when you'll need one."

"Wait, you said Patrick would recognize whatever you wore."

"He won't recognize this."

"Why? Is it new?" He almost turned around to see before he remembered she was quick to shoot.

"No, it's extremely old actually. The only clothes I brought with me are clothes I've worn undercover before I ever met Jane and I haven't worn them since." She crawled back into the driver's seat and flipped down the visor to look into the mirror, bringing out jewelry and make-up from the duffel bag.

"What all do you have in there?"

Lisbon laughed. "You forget I'm a cop."

"You're a woman."

"So?"

"So women have this inexplicable power to pack a bunch of shit into bags. I'll never understand it."

"Don't worry. Most men never do."

He smiled as she flipped the visor back into place and drove to a hotel. He looked over at her as she turned off the ignition. "Ready?"

She took a deep breath and let it out. "Let's do this."

Danny gave a short nod and stepped out, circling around to open her door. She took his offered hand and gracefully stepped out, wrapping an arm around his waist as he possessively dropped his arm around her shoulders. They played the part. When they reached the front door, he held it open like a gentlemen and made a show of checking her out as she sashayed through. She grinned flirtatiously as he caught up to her with an eager smile. He dropped suggestively hints and winks as she leaned into him, lightly rubbing her hand up and down his arm. At the prying eyes of disbelieving man in the elevator, Danny masked his shock as Lisbon ran her hands down his sides and kissed his neck. He watched in admiration as she exited the elevator with a smug grin and gave a little wave to their disappointed spectator.

He closed the door to the hotel room and was about to express his admiration when she stomped toward the bathroom door. "You ever call me sweet cheeks again and I will rip your arm off and shove it up your ass and turn you into a puppet," she threatened through the open door. Before he could defend himself, the woman in question walked out of the bathroom wearing shorts and a tee shirt, jewelry and make-up nowhere to be found.

"So, you're allowed to turn me on in front of some pervert in an elevator but 'sweet cheeks' crosses some sort of line?"

"Yes." She gave a decisive nod.

"Talk about a double standard!"

"Oh, quit your whining."

He swallowed his defensive retort and stalked toward the bathroom for a cold shower. He found her nearly asleep in the bed when he got out. He crossed to the other side and laid down.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Lisbon muttered drowsily behind closed eyes.

"If you think for one second that I'm sleeping on the floor, you've lost it, lady. You may be blackmailing me into this but I've done everything you've wanted without complaint. I've earned the right to sleep in a comfortable bed." He could barely make out her smirk in the darkness as she drifted off to sleep. He followed soon after.

Lisbon woke up to the sound of the hotel door softly closing. She opened her eyes to find Danny messing with something. "What are you doing?"

"Hey. I ordered room service for dinner. Thought you might want something to eat before we take off. It's almost dark again. Plus, I was starving."

"Thanks, but I'm not all that hungry." She gave him a grateful smile and headed to the shower.

Danny shook his head as he started on the food. He couldn't help wondering what Patrick would be doing in his situation. He'd only seen Teresa drink coffee the whole time they'd been driving. He wondered if she'd eaten before or if this lack of appetite had something to do with whatever was troubling her. He stared at the black screen of his cell phone, debating on calling his former brother in law before thinking better of it and sliding the phone back into his pocket. If something did happen between them, Patrick would find her eventually though he couldn't be sure when. Patrick was good but so was Teresa.

* * *

_North Bend, WA_

"So, where to from here?" Danny turned solemnly to his commanding passenger as stopped at a gas station.

"You can just let me out here," she answered sadly. "I know how to get to where I'm going."

"Where's that? I can drop you off. I mean, I _did_ come all this way. What's a couple more miles?" He grinned.

"No, really, I can walk."

"Teresa, it's dark outside," he reasoned.

She sighed. "Look, I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful. I really do appreciate all that you've done but…He'll come to talk to you. Eventually, he will. He'll figure out you helped me and he'll find a way to get it out of you. If Jane turns up in town, then I still have a chance of escaping him. If he shows up on my doorstep…" She felt a pang of guilt and regret as she saw his understanding nod. She leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Daniel."

He smiled to himself as she stepped out of the car. When he watched her form melt into the shadows of the rear view mirror, he put the car in drive and set out on the long drive back to Santa Rosa. He wondered if it was the last he'd see of Teresa Lisbon…a big part of him really hoped it wasn't.

* * *

**Okay, so Danny may be out of character but we really haven't seen much of his character anyway. And don't hate, Jisbon lovers, your time is coming. Trust me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: No one really reads these things but mentioning that I don't actually own the show keeps me from getting sued.**

**So, the original plan for this story was to only show Lisbon's point of view. But, then I thought too much would be lost from the team's perspective. So, the chapters will alternate. The team's chapters (like this one) may not always be as long as Lisbon's chapters since it's mostly her story.**

* * *

_Sacramento, CA_

Lacey Carrigan quickly bent over to retrieve whatever excuse she could find out of a bottom drawer at the sight of the familiar three piece suit. But it was to no avail. The blonde consultant still saw her. Of course he did; he saw everything. "Lacey! What news do you have for me?"

She righted herself in her office chair and tried in vain to keep the red out of her cheeks. She hoped the neutral tone of her voice and her professionalism wouldn't give away the secret. "What makes you think I have any news for you, Mr. Jane? In case you haven't noticed, I'm the chief's secretary, not your own."

He flashed his most charming smile. "Ah, but you wouldn't be hiding from me if you had nothing to say. No, it's clear that you know something but you think it's something I'm not supposed to know."

"If there _was_ something," she hedged, "I suppose you'll know soon enough. If I indeed knew something of the sort that you are insinuating, it would not be my news to tell."

"And whose news would it be to tell then?" he wheedled.

"What makes you think I have that kind of information?" she challenged. The man really was too smart for his own good.

"The fact that you aren't telling. The fact that you insist that it isn't yours to tell means it's someone's that you clearly respect so who is it? Chief Gable? Lisbon?" His smile froze then slipped as anxiety colored her features at the last name. "What's wrong with Lisbon?" he demanded.

She gave him a sympathetic look. "It's not my news to tell, Patrick. Chief Gable isn't happy about it either so don't take your complaints to her. It's out of her hands."

With that, he left and headed straight to the bullpen. "Hey guys, have you seen…" he trailed off as he saw his team members holding identical pieces of paper and envelopes. "What's that?"

"A letter," Van Pelt answered, dazed and confused.

"From the boss," Rigsby finished solemnly.

"She's gone," Cho surmised definitively, sounding a tad bitter. He forcefully opened a desk drawer, shoved the letter inside, and slammed it closed again. He resumed his work as if ignoring the hated paper. He had no intention of ever opening that drawer again or reading the paper it held. Jane couldn't help but wonder what it said. Oh well, he'd find out later after everyone left for the night.

Van Pelt gently laid the paper on her desk and calmly made her way to the ladies room. "Grace," Rigsby called weakly after her but made no move from his position. He sighed and shook his head slightly before looking back at Jane as if just remembering he was still there. "She's gonna be okay, right?" His voice held the glimmering hope of a lost child.

Any outsider would think he'd meant his former girlfriend but Jane and Cho both knew he meant their boss. It certainly wasn't like Lisbon to leave, especially like this. She was socially awkward at things like this but she cared about them. She wouldn't hurt them like this. So Jane couldn't help wondering why she did. "She'll be alright, Rigsby. Just give her a week. She'll pull herself together, you'll see."

"Yeah, and what if she doesn't?" Cho turned around to face the consultant, the challenge clear in his question.

Jane's face hardened. "Then I'll go get her." Cho nodded his acceptance of the answer before returning his focus to the computer monitor. Rigsby also seemed satisfied and slightly more relaxed as he too sat down and tried to return to the suddenly far from normal work day. Only one of the team members wasn't satisfied with Jane's answer.

"Then what?" Van Pelt questioned on her way back to her desk. "She resents you before finally quitting for good? She leaves the state to escape you? To escape all of us? There's a reason she left, Jane. There's a reason she didn't leave you a note…Unless she hid it in your attic because yours is more private than ours," she added on a much less harsher note. He suspected the rookie would blame him. After all, things _had_ been slightly tense between him and Lisbon the past couple of weeks. But, contrary to (Lisbon's) popular belief, he didn't hate her. Sure, he was angry. Who could blame him? But he wasn't angry at Lisbon, no matter what she might think. He'd prove it soon enough.

"You're right, Grace," Jane said, as he made his way over to his couch. "There is a reason. However, it seems that it's a reason that she clearly wants to keep from me."

"And you're just going to let her," Van Pelt stated skeptically.

"No, of course not. But she clearly needs space."

"Yeah, because you've always respected that in the past," Cho butted in, causing all of them to grin momentarily.

"She'll have her space," Jane said as he got comfortable on his leather couch with closed eyes. "For now."

"Why do I get the feeling you already know her reason?" Rigsby asked, suspicious.

"You don't?" Jane asked from the couch, now sure he had all three agents' attention. "It's James."

* * *

**SOOOO amazed at the reviews that the last chapter received. Next up is Lisbon's chapter. Here's your warning: it's going to be dark and angsty. Not my favorite genre's to write but it's important for Lisbon's story line.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters.**

**Thank you, as always to everyone who reads/reviews. Responses to anonymous reviews: Patience is a virtue. I admit I'm not the best at it but I hope the story's mystery will be worth it. I promise it will all unfold but there are a few chapters before you will find out. Sorry if it's annoying, but this is the way I envisioned the chapter when I started it. **

**I think Lisbon is in need of someone adoring her. Danny WILL return later but there will be some of Jane adoring Lisbon as well.**

**So, this chapter was originally supposed to span a week but that didn't really happen. If it seems like Lisbon's going through the stages of grief rather fast in this chapter, that's why. Thanks for sticking with this when it's been a little while since an update. Next chapter is already in the works. The team is up next!**

* * *

_North Bend, WA_

Lisbon made her way through the shadows of North Bend until she was just outside of town. She followed the signs to Mt. Si, winding her way up the mountain trails until she found the place to veer off. She trudged through the high grass until she saw the faint outline of a familiar old cabin.

"Home sweet home," she sighed. She pushed open the old door of the abandoned cabin with a grunt. Not a whole lot had changed since she'd seen it last. There was quite a bit of dust, dirt, and leaves covering the floor and the protective coverings of the modest furniture.

"Alright, Reese. You brought yourself here, now what? What are you going to do?" she asked as she sat down on the floor, her duffel bag falling next to her with a clink. A smile grew on her face as she unzipped the bag and revealed a bottle of Patron. "Of course. Forgot I had you, my little friend," she purred as she opened the bottle and took a swig without a glass. Not feeling the effects immediately, she took a larger sip than the first.

Deciding she wasn't going to sit on the dirty floor all night, she stood, swaying slightly. She walked a little unsteadily to the lantern she remembered setting on the small dining room table years ago, lighting it before making her way to the bedroom. She set the lantern on the small end table and took another drink of tequila.

"Funny, I remembered this bed being a lot bigger before." She took off the protective covering and shook the years of dust and dirt off. Indeed, the queen sized bed had seemed much bigger all those years ago when she and her brothers had escaped her father's drunken escapades. She ignored the bitter taste in her mouth as she took another sip from the bottle.

_Hypocrite_, the little voice in her head whispered. She refused to dignify it with a response but the voice was insistent, repeating the word louder and louder until its' shouting rattled her brain. _HYPOCRITE!_

"I am NOT a hypocrite!" she screamed. She startled slightly at the sudden noise reverberating in the silent cabin. Still her conscious tortured her. She growled though she knew it wouldn't help and the voice practically tap danced on her brain. When it refused to cease, she hoped another sip from the bottle would silence it. It finally silenced when her sip turned into a gulp.

She took a minute for her head to stop spinning and placed the bottle on the small nightstand. She stumbled her way back to the living room and grabbed her duffel bag from the floor, unsteadily heading back to the bedroom. Once there, she clumsily switched her outfit for the jersey she couldn't bear to leave behind in Sacramento and slipped beneath the covers, turning off the lamp.

Despite the alcohol, sleep did not come readily. Lisbon lay there in the darkness, staring at the ceiling she couldn't see. "I'm not a hypocrite," she muttered to herself. "I'd never hurt the ones I love."

_Sure_, her conscious retorted sarcastically, _that's why you practically fled the state like roadrunner_.

"I did not flee the state, especially not like some cartoon bird that has a two syllable vocabulary."

_Mmhmm._

"Oh shut up. What do you know?" she grumbled as she turned on her side. "I left because of me. I wasn't dealing with things."

_No, you left because of him_.

"Who 'him'?"

_You know who_.

She rolled her eyes. "I did not leave because of Jane. Not everything is always about him."

_Of course not_, her conscious laughed_, especially since your mind went automatically to him. No, you know this is because of James._

She unashamedly allowed one tear after another escape and roll across the bridge of nose to join the others on the old sheets of the bed. "Why would he hurt me? After all these years…Why has he _been_ hurting me _all these years_? What went wrong?" she whispered desperately.

_You know what went wrong_, the voice answered softly.

"No," she protested through her tears, her voice no longer a whisper. "This isn't because of Dad. We all turned out just fine…maybe not great but we didn't turn out to be lackeys for sadistic serial killers."

_No, you didn't_, her conscious agreed softly. _So, what __did__ go wrong?_

"Me," Lisbon whispered, turning her face into the pillow. "I raised a monster," she mumbled into the pillow before silently crying herself to sleep.

* * *

A few hours later, morning came too soon for Lisbon. She raised her head slightly, groaning at the pain. The handful of chirping birds in the trees sounded more like a huge flock of toucans. She placed the pillow over her head in a vain attempt to block out the noise.

Her limited patience lasted all of ten minutes before she decided to get out of bed in search of hangover remedies. She grumpily searched through the duffel bag, finding neither aspirin nor water. She groaned in frustration before sliding her eyes to the nightstand. Dare she use a bit of hair of the dog?

Would her conscious nag her again like the night before? It didn't take long for her decide that she didn't really care. She stood and took a couple shots from the bottle of Patron before placing it back on the nightstand.

Lisbon padded out into the small living room, seeing it in the daylight for the first time in years. She removed the plastic covers from the furniture, shaking off the dust and dirt as she did so. When all the plastic covers were folded and put away, she began to feel the hangover kicking in again. She made another trip to the nightstand, taking a couple of shots of the premium tequila.

Unsteadily making her way back to the living room, she located the broom and began sweeping the living room. She became lost in her memories as she did so. The first time she'd swept this floor little Tommy had held the dustpan for her. She smiled slightly at the thought of his sweet, helpful attitude when they'd clean up after a night of their father's destruction and how the same attitude had come in handy when she'd grabbed the boys and run across the country.

They'd run to their old great-aunt's cabin in the woods of Mt. Si just outside of North Bend, Washington. Lisbon's mother had told her stories of visiting her aunt in the cabin during the summer…tales of hiking the trails, splashing in the mountain stream, meeting cute boys…

She admitted to having the occasional childhood fantasy of experiencing similar memories once she'd run there. She was, after all, her mother's age when the older Lisbon woman had last visited the cabin. But the cabin was much older when Teresa and her brothers had made it there. She really should have known. Her great-aunt had died before Teresa had ever met her. None of the boys had met her either…except for James.

The thought of her brother and his unforgettable betrayal had her washing away the memory with the tequila in the bedroom. She took a moment to relish the smooth texture and burning sensation in her throat as well as the contentment that frequently accompanied alcohol before sweeping the bedroom.

With the cabin all clean, she decided there was nothing left to do. There was no food in the cabin but she'd have to go in town for that. And she certainly couldn't go in town with tequila on her breath…not that she was really hungry anyway. So, that left one thing…

Lisbon let inebriated herself fall heavily onto the bed, picking up the bottle once more and commenced draining the last third of the bottle. Half an hour later, she took five tries before successfully placing the empty bottle on the nightstand. She couldn't stop the drunken chuckle that escaped her as she let her hand dangle off the edge of the bed.

What happened next was something she didn't think she'd ever be able to describe to anyone. "Hey there, kiddo." She held her breath and looked toward the shadows where the gruff voice was coming from.

"Dad?" She took another look at the mysteriously empty bottle on the nightstand. "Oh sheepdip."

"I have to say, Tessie," he said as he looked pointedly at the Patron bottle. "That is quite a feat. I mean, I know our ancestors were Irish but to put away a whole bottle of tequila by yourself in less than 24 hours? Quite a feat."

"Shut up," she countered angrily, slurring her words as she tried to angle her eye-sight away from him in the hopes he'd disappear. "My name's not Tessie and _you_ don't get to call me that. You don't get to play the role of Daddy dearest and tell me to 'do as you say, not as you do.' You don't get to spin that crap!"

She felt a cool air on her calf and looked down to see the ghost's hand there as her father sat beside her on the bed. "Teresa," he pleaded softly, his eyes somber. "I'm sorry for everything you've been through. I'm especially sorry for my part in it. You can take that with a grain of salt if you like but I mean it. Now, I know I'm not the prime example of how to handle situations like this," he said with a small, self-deprecating laugh and she grinned in spite of herself.

"But, Teresa, I think I certainly know by now how _not_ to deal with it. And that thing right there," he continued with a fair bit of disgust and anger, "is precisely what led me to hurt the most precious things I had left in the world when your poor mother was taken from me…from all of us. I don't want that to happen to you, Teresa. I don't want you to hurt the ones you love."

She sat up in the bed and faced him properly, wiping her eyes. "In case you hadn't noticed, Dad, I'm the only one here. I can't hurt them when I'm all alone, hundreds of miles away."

"Can't you see that's already hurt them?" he asked softly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Bruno Heller owns it, not me.**

**Spoilers for 4x24 if you haven't seen it yet. Thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed! You all make me want to update this as fast as I can.**

* * *

_Sacramento, CA_

"James," Rigsby let out a big sigh. "Didn't think I'd ever hear that name again."

"Yeah," Van Pelt breathed before turning to Jane. "Are you sure?" she asked softly.

"She was forced to shoot her own brother, Grace. Of course I'm sure."

"She shouldn't have had to do that," Cho muttered as he hung his head just slightly.

"Don't blame yourself, Cho. She sure isn't blaming any of you."

"No, she's blaming herself," Rigsby added sourly.

"Because that's so much better," Cho retorted sarcastically.

"Jane," Van Pelt nearly whined, not wanting the responsibility of pulling the boys out of their funk.

The man in question sat up on the couch. "Alright, everyone. Look, Lisbon needs a little time to herself. Yes, she blames herself. No, she shouldn't. But that's not going to just change overnight. We'll give her a week. She needs time off of work. Maybe she'll finally move out of the shock and denial stage that she's been in for the past two weeks."

"Stage of what?" Rigsby asked.

"Grief," Van Pelt answered solemnly.

"You can't rush that," Cho added with a sigh.

"No, you can't," Jane added sadly. They were all in agreement. Lisbon was on her own…for now.

"So…" Rigsby drew the word out. "What's the next stage?"

"Pain and guilt," Van Pelt answered as she met his eyes.

"You really think she should be alone during that?" Rigsby asked the group incredulously.

"We don't really have a choice now, do we?" Jane asked as he lay back down and closed his eyes.

"But last time – "

"Hey," Cho warned uselessly; Rigsby pushed on as if his partner hadn't interrupted.

"When Jane left – " The man in question sat up at the sound of his name.

"Wayne!" Van Pelt's voice finally shut him up and Rigsby left to sulk in the kitchen.

"Wha– " Jane started.

"The boss took your leaving heard," Cho interrupted, quick to put an end to this conversation. "You already knew that."

"Drinking," Jane filled in the blank spaces.

"Never noticeable," Cho stated. That was his story and he was sticking to it. They all knew she had started drinking more after Jane had left but they'd deny it to any authority figure (including the woman herself) to the day they died.

"Jane?" Van Pelt called after the man as he silently stood and headed towards Lisbon's office, quickly picking the lock and relocking it before lying on the couch in her office.

* * *

He always knew she'd taken his leaving hard. Knowing that simply telling her it was all a ruse would make it all better had hurt him the most. Not seeing how hard she was taking it had made it a little easier. Not listening to her messages had made it even slightly easier than that. But he'd not allowed himself to think she'd taken it so hard that she'd been drinking more than he knew she already did before he left. He'd not allowed himself to believe it was a possibility. He hadn't needed or wanted the guilt that came with that.

But now he had it and it weighed him down like a ton of bricks. He felt indescribably heavy as he lay on her couch. Part of him really wanted to check the attic to see if she'd placed a letter for him up there and away from the prying eyes of the team. But he knew she hadn't.

They'd hardly spoken to each other in the two weeks between her leaving and the closing of the Red John case. He knew she thought he hated her. Half the building thought he hated her. If he was truly honest with himself, he had been a bit angry at first but not nearly as much as he'd expected to be. He'd realized how irrational it was to be mad at her for something so out of her control much sooner than he'd ever imagined.

In the end, he hadn't really been mad at her. He'd been mad _for_ her…for what her brother had done. Her own brother had tricked her, betrayed her, handed her over to the sadistic serial they'd been hunting for years…and James had known who the man was all this time. He'd lied to the sister who'd helped raise him for years. Teresa would have forgiven James for the lies. Jane was sure of it. He may have not been so lenient but the forgiving Saint Teresa surely would have. But he really doubted she'd be able to forgive her brother for so thoughtlessly handing her over to a man she'd been hunting for over a decade like some whipped dog.

He selfishly thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't been there to see her inevitable heartbroken confusion when it had happened. He was also angry at himself for not being there. No, he'd arrived later…just before the team. He closed his eyes and remembered it as if it were still there.

* * *

He took a ready breath before opening the door of the abandoned warehouse. He had considered calling Lisbon. She'd taken the day off to spend time with her brother James. He knew she needed it. She hadn't seen him in years. But this was Red John. She'd want to be here for this. In the end, he'd decided it would be best if she wasn't here for this. She wouldn't be able to stop him.

He soundlessly stepped into the darkness just to lose consciousness after a swift blow to the head. He woke maybe an hour later. He groggily blinked away the fog and blurriness of the pain. He almost didn't believe his eyes when the woman in front of him fully focused. "Lisbon?" he softly croaked out.

He began to hyperventilate slightly, looking around him in a panic, when he noticed she was tied to a chair. Her face showed a myriad of emotions. He always knew it would in this situation. But what scared him the most was the absence of anger. She looked almost helpless.

"Now, now, Patrick," the soft voice called from the dark, the heavy footsteps moving in like a predator stalking his helpless, trapped prey. "Don't panic. Teresa's fine. More than fine, actually," he continued as he circled the woman in question. "She's quite lovely." He tenderly stroked her cheek with the back of a black leather-gloved hand.

Jane violently struggled against his bonds behind the chair. He couldn't stand watching the fiend touch his Lisbon. A heavy hand landed on his shoulder. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Jane."

Jane looked up to see a middle-aged man with familiar green eyes and dark hair looking back at him. His movements froze immediately. The resemblance to Lisbon and Tommy was uncanny. There was no doubt in his mind that this man was Teresa Lisbon's brother. Not for the first time, his blood ran cold. He chanced a glance at his partner who averted her eyes and hid her face in shame.

If only she looked at him, she'd see that all of her theories on what he must think of her right now were wrong. His attention was brought back to his nemesis who made sure not to be forgotten in the cold room. "Easy, James. Patrick won't be going anywhere. He wouldn't want anything to happen to sweet Teresa."

James took a slightly desperate step forward. "You said you wouldn't hurt her!"

The notorious serial killer raised his knife. "Mind yourself, James. You wouldn't want your family to end up like Patrick's now, would you?" A slight headshake confirmed Red John's assumptions. "Alright then; now that we're all clear and we're going to be obedient, undo their knots, James. We _are_ going to be nice, aren't we, Teresa?"

Outraged, Jane watched in shocked silence as Lisbon nodded wordlessly. He continued to stare at her though she did not meet his gaze while James untied him. He glared as James untied Lisbon with a cold distance. It didn't take a mentalist to realize there was insurmountable tension between the two siblings. Lisbon looked a bit like a two-year-old whose puppy had just been run over by her older brother.

"Now, Teresa, remember what I said earlier. You stay still and I'll be merciful."

"Jonathan, please," she said softly, desperately. When he moved to whisper in her ear, she stopped him and nodded slightly. "Can I at least say goodbye first?"

Jane could practically hear the sadist's indulgent smile. "Sure, Teresa."

The once feisty woman somberly walked toward him and embraced him, clinging to him as if one of them were about to be ripped from the very earth. "I'm sorry," she choked out before pulling away reluctantly. Only then did he see the tear tracks that stained her cheeks.

He felt paralyzed as Lisbon stepped back and Red John stepped forward. Things seemed to happen in slow motion after that. He tensed in preparation of the slice that never came, felt for the gun no longer stuck in the back of his waistband, and gasped at the sound of rounds being fired off.

He turned questioning eyes to Lisbon, who looked only a moment from crumbling. The shell of a woman still didn't look at him, hadn't since he'd regained consciousness. She simply stared at the lifeless bodies of her brother and the serial killer she'd spent a good portion of her CBI career chasing. She carefully placed the gun on the floor and he turned his eyes to the doorway as she passed by the shocked team members with a mumbled "excuse me," leaving them all to process just what had happened.

* * *

Jane sat up and opened his eyes, taking a moment to adjust his eyes to the darkness surrounding him. The empty bullpen suggested the day was over and the team, as well as the whole building, seemed to be gone. Now was finally his time to read the letters Lisbon had written to the team. He wasted no time in walking out of the dark office and making his way first to Cho's desk. What exactly had she said to her right hand man? He briefly let his thoughts wander to the sentimentalities that she'd never use. She loved them all for sure…but to put it all down in words? Especially on paper? No, she'd never do that. He gently pulled open the drawer he'd seen Cho stuff the letter in and quickly found what he was looking for.

* * *

_Cho,_

_It's no secret that the past couple of weeks haven't been easy…on any of us. I'm writing this because I need to say I'm sorry and I need to get away for a while. I don't know how long I'll be gone. I'm sorry for leaving you all like this but especially you. It isn't fair to lean on you like this but I'm putting you in charge while I'm gone because I know you can handle it. I think what I'm most sorry for is everything that happened. I trust you'll believe me when I tell you that I didn't know about James. I know it could have been prevented and for that I really am sorry. It would have saved us all a hell of a lot of trouble. Anyway, I trust you to lead the team while I'm gone. Take care of each other._

_Lisbon_

* * *

Jane calmly put it back before doing the same with Van Pelt and Rigsby's letters. They were all very similar, varying only slightly in certain ways to make it a bit more personal for each team member. He imagined she'd written each one on the same semi-auto pilot she'd seemed to be on the last couple of weeks. He'd bet good money that she'd written Van Pelt's letter last, her robotic professionalism seeming to slip only slightly and only visible in the fact that her hand writing had become more erratic after mentioning Craig and apologizing for what seemed the thousandth time. The gravity of what had happened was finally beginning to seep in. It'd finally caught up with her. She'd been running and running ever since that day. He knew with that familiar sense of dread that it would hit her as soon as she stopped running. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't tempted to drop by her place and check on her. But he told himself no. She needed her space…at least for a week, and what a long week it would be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist.**

**Hope you all like this chapter. I know certain sections have more dialogue than detail but it just sort of flowed out like that. Thanks for all the reviews!**

* * *

_North Bend, WA_

Lisbon sat on the roof, her back against the short chimney as she watched the sun set. It was an old habit from when she was a teenager. A small, one bedroom cabin with three boys created the absolute need for a space that was all her own where they couldn't find her. Up here she could get away from all the stress of raising teenage boys when she was only a teenager herself. Up here she could watch the tree tops on the horizon glow gold and burn orange.

She had lost track of time on the cabin roof, couldn't remember how long she'd been sitting here. She'd climbed up here soon after her dad's hallucination had left as suddenly as he had appeared. She hadn't known what to make of it all. Hadn't known what to make of his sudden appearance in her drunken haze. Hadn't known what to make of what he'd said about her hurting her friends by leaving. So, she'd come up here, her old thinking place, to watch the sunset.

"You sure do think a lot, sweetpea. No wonder that friend of yours is always trying to get you out of your head."

Lisbon turned her head to see her mother's ghost sitting on the roof beside her. She threw her head back and her hands in the air as she groaned in frustration. "Come on! I'm sober now!"

"Hush, Teresa. You'll disturb the squirrels. I'm not a hallucination. But you really shouldn't be drinking that much," she lectured.

"Mom," Lisbon whined before turning to her, _really_ seeing her. She looked so real. Lisbon _wanted_ her to be real. "What are you doing here, Mom?" she asked softly.

"I'm here to help you, baby girl." She caressed her daughter's cheek lovingly.

"Help me with what?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Teresa."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes before focusing on the colors playing on the horizon. "You sound like Jane," she said bitterly.

"At least one of does," her mother retorted.

Lisbon spun on the older woman. "Don't defend him! He hates me!" She countered incredulously before scowling to herself. "Not that I can really blame him. I could have stopped all of this."

"It's alright to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you're finished."

"Charming, Mom. And it's not self-pity; it's the truth. If I'd kept in better touch with the boys, I would have found out his connection with Red John. I could have helped him. I could have stopped him from jumping in front of that bullet."

"Teresa, nothing could have stopped James from jumping in front of that bullet. You know as well as I do that he would do it over again and you would do it to had the shoe been on the other foot."

"Excuse me?" she asked, taken aback.

"I'm not saying you'd work for a serial killer rather than tell one of your brothers if they were working in law enforcement. I'm simply saying that if Red John had an accomplice holding Patrick Jane or Annie or Tommy hostage with instructions to kill them upon Red John's death, then you would gladly take a bullet to save a serial killer so you could save the ones you love and you know it."

Lisbon decided not to dignify that with a response and they lapsed into silence once more.

Her mother sighed beside her. "You need to talk it out, sweetheart." Lisbon grumbled. "Tell me what happened."

"Do I have to?" she whined.

"Teresa May," the older woman warned.

Lisbon sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine," she huffed, taking time to think before regaling her mother with the unfortunate tale that started all this. "James called me, said he'd be in town and wondered if I wanted to meet up. It all seemed so innocent at the time," she began, gazing out at the fiery sunset.

* * *

Lisbon picked up the phone, dialing a familiar number and waiting as it rang. "Cho," came the familiar greeting.

"Hey, Cho."

"There you are. Where have you been, Boss?"

"I'm taking some personal time today. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Wait, Boss – "

Lisbon heard some rustling on the other end of the phone. "Hello?" she asked uncertainly though slightly amused.

"Hello, dear Lisbon. Slept in this morning, did we?" There was an unmistakable trace of worry in his false cheeriness.

"I did actually, if you must know, Jane. But that's not why I'm not coming in."

"Do tell."

"James is coming into town."

"Oh."

She smiled at the surprise in his voice. She almost hated that she couldn't be there to see it on his face. "Yeah, so I thought I'd spend some time with him today."

"That sounds nice, Lisbon." The sincerity in his tone made her blush slightly. "Well, have a nice day then. I'll let you go. Cho doesn't seem particularly happy that I'm using his phone."

She chuckled. "Try not to get in _too_ much trouble today, Jane," she almost pleaded.

"Whatever you say, Mom," he agreed teasingly. "But I can't speak for the rest of the kids."

She shook her head though she knew he couldn't see it. "Bye, Jane."

"Take care, Lisbon."

She placed the cell phone in her pocket with a big smile, jumping up with an even bigger smile when she heard a knock on the door.

* * *

"I was so happy to see him," she gave a small, mirthless laugh. "I was such a fool. He lied straight to my face, told me Rachel and the kids were great. He came in and we had coffee." She turned to her mother. "Do you know that is the second time someone has spiked my coffee? Seriously, I've been much more careful since I was set up for murder. I just didn't think I had to watch for that with my own brother. But, sure enough, I passed out while we were sitting on the couch with our coffee and I woke up in that abandoned warehouse."

* * *

"Have a good nap, Teresa?" Lisbon suppressed a frightened shiver at the soft, calm voice she'd heard on only a few occasions before. She looked down to find herself tied to a chair. She struggled, feeling the ropes burn and cut into her skin. "Now, now, Teresa, don't be ungrateful. You're still alive, after all."

"What have you done with James?" she asked the darkness, her eyes narrowing at the cold chuckle.

"I've done nothing, Teresa. I can assure you," he responded, countering her unspoken disbelief. As if by some unseen cue, James stepped forward, looking at a spot over her shoulder rather than at his little sister.

Lisbon stilled her movements and wondered somewhere in the back of her mind if she was going into shock. "James," she breathed out in a whisper. She stared at him wide-eyed as he refused to move, refused to show any reaction, any emotion.

"Don't blame James, Teresa. He's just doing what he thinks is best. You see, Rachel and their lovely children are with a friend of mine. If I am to die, Rachel and the children shall suffer for it. So, James here is quite willing to help me. You needn't be so angry."

* * *

"Teresa," her mother interrupted, "I sense some expletives coming and no matter what age you are, you _are_ still my daughter. You'll always be 13 years old to me."

"Understood, Mom." Lisbon smiled, a little of the light finding its' way back in her eyes. "I'll filter it."

* * *

"You are truly beautiful, Teresa. Pictures don't do you justice." He stroked her cheek, ignoring her scowl of disgust. "Then again, you've always been beautiful. Do you remember the first time we met?"

The wheels began turning in Lisbon's head. If she knew Red John, maybe she could remember him; something, anything, a feature, a name…If she could get a message out to Jane or Cho…Her brain screamed at her to stall. "We've met before."

"Oh, Teresa, I'm hurt. You don't remember? Then again, we've gone through quite a few changes since then. Though, perhaps, or first memory wasn't the most memorable. Perhaps," he said as he stepped forward into the light, "a kiss will jog your memory."

"Dear God," Lisbon whispered, horrified.

* * *

"You kissed him?"

Lisbon turned to her mother. "What happened to not judging?"

"I never said that. I said I was here to help you talk it out."

"Well, judging is not helping."

"Alright, fine; no more judging."

Lisbon shook her head. "Yes, I kissed him but that was years ago and I'm really not ready to go into that yet."

"Fair enough. You want to continue?"

"Well, skipping the relationship part of that conversation, Jonathan – "

"Wait, is Jonathan Red John?"

"Yes."

"Not very creative," the older woman muttered.

Lisbon rolled her eyes but continued. "Anyway, Jonathan and I came to an agreement that if I did what he said, Jane would be killed quickly…mercifully."

"Meaning you begged for Jane's life?"

"Mom!"

"And how did he know Patrick would be coming?"

Lisbon sighed heavily. "He likes to set up traps. He lets Jane get close enough just to shut him down. Lets him think he's winning before crushing him again and again."

"And Jane showed, didn't he?"

"He did. Though I'm still not sure how he knew where to come."

* * *

"Lisbon?" Jane softly croaked out. She didn't answer him – couldn't answer him. Couldn't possibly what to know what to say to make any of this better. She feared she'd waited too long when he began to hyperventilate slightly, looking around him in a panic…No doubt seeking the man he had intended to kill for so many years; the man she knew lurked in the shadows, just beyond the light.

"Now, now, Patrick," the soft voice called from the dark, the heavy footsteps moving in like a predator stalking his helpless, trapped prey. "Don't panic. Teresa's fine. More than fine, actually," he continued as he circled the woman in question. "She's quite lovely." He tenderly stroked her cheek with the back of a black leather-gloved hand. She fought her repulsion and wisely sat still.

Jane violently struggled against his bonds behind the chair. Lisbon's heart broke. She knew this would be hard on him, to have that man just out of reach. The worst was what he probably didn't know. She wanted to be anywhere else but there when James landed a heavy hand on her consultant's shoulder. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Jane."

She couldn't bear to look anywhere but at the floor when she saw Jane look up to see her older brother looking back at him. What he must think of her now…There was no doubt in her mind that he felt only hatred and betrayal toward her now. Any love he may have had, friendly or romantic, was lost forever, never to be found again.

Red John, however, made sure not to be forgotten in the cold room and quickly brought their attention back after he'd had enough enjoyment from the heartbreak that had just ensued. He'd kept his word. He was taking Patrick Jane from her in more ways than one. "Easy, James. Patrick won't be going anywhere. He wouldn't want anything to happen to sweet Teresa."

James took a slightly desperate step forward. "You said you wouldn't hurt her!" Lisbon fought the urge to scoff at her brother's attempt to be human.

The notorious serial killer raised his knife. "Mind yourself, James. You wouldn't want your family to end up like Patrick's now, would you?" She still wasn't certain if she fully believed that Rachel and the kids were being held hostage by a henchman, ready to carry out a dead serial killer's orders. A slight headshake confirmed Red John's assumptions. "Alright then; now that we're all clear and we're going to be obedient, undo their knots, James. We _are_ going to be nice, aren't we, Teresa?"

She nodded wordlessly. She felt Jane's continuous stare though she did not meet his gaze while James untied him. She flinched minutely every time James' hands neared her as he untied the rope binding her. There were no words exchanged. She was done trying to reason with him. She couldn't bring herself to look at him without feeling the overwhelming urge to vomit. Not even Jane had ever betrayed her like this…and yet, here she was. Could this be considered a type of betrayal? Was she betraying him? If her heavy heart were to answer, then yes; it was and she was.

"Now, Teresa, remember what I said earlier. You stay still and I'll be merciful."

"Jonathan, please," she said softly, desperately. This wasn't the time to care about pride. She didn't care if she sounded like the most pathetic person in the world if she could change his mind…if she could save Jane's life. When he moved to whisper in her ear, she stopped him and nodded slightly. "Can I at least say goodbye first?"

He smiled indulgently. "Sure, Teresa."

She somberly walked toward him and embraced him, stealing the gun tucked in between his back and the waistband of his pants. She was pleasantly surprised as his arms wrapped around her instinctively. She clung to him as if one of them were about to be ripped from the very earth, which wasn't too far from the truth if her plan failed. "I'm sorry," she choked out before pulling away reluctantly.

Lisbon stepped back and Red John stepped forward. When she was out of the serial killer's peripheral vision, she raised the gun and aimed it at the man ruining their lives as Jane discretely felt for the missing gun. She barely registered James moving in. He'd seen the gun and fearing for his family's safety, jumped in front of the first bullet she fired off. He fell as if in slow motion, the blood spurting from his heart as he died almost instantaneously and she fired until she heard the empty clicks, the shots hitting their target in Red John's heart.

The world quieted. There wasn't a single sound. Again, she felt Jane's eyes on her and , again, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Instead, she looked down at the lifeless bodies of her brother and the serial killer she'd spent a good portion of her CBI career chasing. She knew these men. She had known them and they had betrayed her. And she, in turn, had betrayed Jane…had taken away from him the one thing he desired. She had killed Red John. There was nothing left to do now. So many cases would be closed and the paperwork could wait until the morning. She carefully placed the gun on the floor and passed by the shocked team members with a mumbled "excuse me," leaving them all to process just what had happened.

* * *

"Where did you go?" her mother asked softly.

"Home," she answered heavily, her shoulders feeling weighed down.

"To drink?" she asked as if hoping the answer was no, all the while knowing that was unlikely.

"No," she shook her head. "No, that didn't come until I came here. I went home and I just went to bed. Didn't sleep; just laid there…in those filthy clothes. Morning came and I got up, showered and dressed, and I went to work. For two weeks, I worked to tie up the loose ends and close the case. I don't even remember the other cases we took on but I know I worked them. And when the day was done, I went home; went home and laid in bed."

"Teresa," her mother whispered as she placed her hand on her daughter's. Lisbon briefly wondered if someone's heart could break after they were already dead. "Did you at least eat something?"

"No; wasn't hungry," she shrugged. "I had coffee occasionally. And I did sleep some throughout the two weeks. It was never for long and it wasn't without Jonathan or James or even Jane on occasion raiding my dreams."

"So, who do you want to talk about first? James, Jonathan, or Patrick?"

"I have a choice?" she asked skeptically.

"No, not really. Talk to me about James."

"What about him, Mom?" She raised her voice slightly, still feeling a little hostile about that topic.

"He's your brother, Teresa. You have to feel something about his being dead."

"I don't know what to tell you, Mom. I didn't go to his funeral."

"Do you regret it?"

"Honestly, not yet. I think I will eventually. But I just can't stop being mad at him right now. He drugged my coffee and practically delivered me to a serial killer. He could have told me the truth. We could have set up a trap. We could have gotten him."

"You did get him."

"It's not the same."

"What about his family?"

"I could have gotten them protection."

"How?"

"I have connections! I do! And he didn't trust me enough! I could have used those connections to keep his family safe and we could have gotten Red John. No one had to get hurt! But, you know what, Mom? They did! James and Red John are dead! Rachel and the kids are dead! Jane hates me and the team won't even talk about it! Both of my families have fallen apart and there's nothing I can do about it. Is that what you wanted to hear, Mom?"

"What makes you think that that's what I want to hear, Teresa? I want to hear that you can forgive your brother. I want to hear that your brothers can forgive each other. I want to hear that my death hadn't been so hard on your father. I want to hear that my family didn't practically fall apart after I left this world." She paused, letting it all sink into her daughter before continuing softly. "I want to hear that you can still open up your heart and let Patrick in. Because you know I've been watching, sweetheart, and that man loves you. If nothing else, you need to talk to him. You need to hear his side of the story. You owe it to him but most of all, you owe it to yourself."

"I still need more time, Mom."

"You'll have to do it eventually, sweetheart."

"I know, and I will. I just…I need to sort out me first."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own The Mentalist.**

**So, I just want to say something about the anonymous reviews. I have them enabled because I want everyone to be able to review the story. I feel like it's your right. However, if I receive more reviews that aren't constructive or positive, I will disable them. I can take non-positive feedback as long as it is constructive. Please, do not repost my chapter as a comment. Also, in case Jane's perspective was not clear, he does not hate her for what happened. And please make your reviews clear. If I don't understand what you're talking about, I can't make the chapter any better. Thank you for anyone who reads this.**

* * *

_Finally_, Jane silently sighed to himself. Lisbon's week was up and it was time for him to show up at her apartment and drag her back to the CBI…or at least check on her. He'd stopped himself every time he'd wanted to call her or stop by, refusing to admit just how often he'd wanted to see her. But in the privacy of his precious Citroen, he didn't have to stop himself from smiling as he drove to Lisbon's apartment.

It hadn't been an easy week nor had it been particularly pleasant for him or the team; and he couldn't imagine it had been any easier on her. But, in spite of it all, he found himself smiling at the prospect of seeing her again. He'd missed her. So it was with an unusually light heart that he stepped out in the parking lot and made his way to knock on her apartment door. When she didn't answer, he knocked again. Still no answer.

"Come on, Lisbon, let me in or I'll be forced to pick the lock." He grinned cheekily in anticipation. His smile faded when the expected string of curses did not approach the door. He sighed and knelt down to begin picking the lock. "You know, we could have done this the easy way. You're forcing me to do this the hard way, Lisbon. So just remember that," he grunted as he made the last click. "When you threaten me with physical harm," he continued as he easily turned the door knob and made his way inside. "For breaking and entering," he ended softly to himself as he glanced around the empty apartment.

"Hmm…" All those theatrics for nothing. He began checking all the rooms with no success. He did his usual poking and prodding before coming to the conclusion that she wasn't simply out at the grocery store. The layer of dust on the tables and empty cleaning products in the trash was enough evidence for that. She'd cleaned, unsurprisingly. It may be a droll household chore but it did help one gain a certain sense of control over life, even if small. But then she'd left….Why had she left?

He pulled out his cell hopelessly. He hadn't expected an answer and wasn't the least bit surprised when her number went straight to voicemail. Well, he'd still vowed to find her and find her he would. Seems Lisbon was still choosing the hard way.

He flipped the phone open once again to dial a different number. "Cho, we have a problem. Have the team meet me in the bullpen ASAP."

* * *

"No," Rigsby objected, shaking his head slightly. "No, Lisbon wouldn't do that. That's something that – " he cut himself off with a guilty look at Jane before glancing away.

It wasn't lost on the consultant, who rolled his eyes slightly. "Yes, we all know that it's something I would do but it doesn't change the fact that Lisbon is gone."

"We don't know that," Grace objected.

"Let's just stick to the facts," Cho interjected before they started arguing. The last thing he needed was Jane running off to chase after Lisbon when no one knew where she even was…or if she'd even left at all. "Lisbon's not home and evidence suggests she hasn't been there in a while."

"Right," Jane nodded.

"Where would she go?" Cho looked to the team.

"Why don't we just try calling her?" Van Pelt suggested.

"Oh, yes, why didn't I think of that?" Jane retorted sarcastically.

Van Pelt sent him and a chuckling Rigsby chiding looks. "Maybe she just didn't want to talk to you. Did you ever think of that?"

"And why wouldn't she want to talk to me?"

"She thinks you hate her for what happened with Red John."

"First of all, I don't hate her. Second of all, that may be; but deep down, Lisbon always wants to talk to me."

Van Pelt rolled her eyes at his ego. "I'm going to try calling her."

"We'll all try," Rigsby supported her with a nod as the red-head dialed the number.

"Straight to voice-mail," she hung up with a disappointed sigh.

Rigsby pulled out his own cell. "Same," he said a couple of minutes later.

Cho caved and pulled out his own cell when the team looked at him expectedly. "Voicemail," he concurred. "Alright, what's the plan?" he asked Jane.

"Mexico."

"Mexico?" Rigsby laughed.

"Not everyone runs away to Mexico, Jane," Grace scoffed.

"Besides, who says Lisbon even left the state? Or the city for that matter?" Rigsby tried to reason.

"Let's cover our bases. Start with Tommy. He's in state and his relationship with his brothers was strained before, right? Maybe she's staying with him."

"It's possible," Jane relented though his doubts were clear.

"Jane, call Annie. Rigsby, Van Pelt, get back to work on the case. I've got a meeting with Gable," Cho ordered before walking out of the bullpen.

"He's just giving her time and space, Jane," Van Pelt soothed as she began looking through their current suspect's records.

"Yeah, man," Rigsby agreed. "We all want to find her just as bad as you do, Cho included. We just have more respect for boundaries than you do," he joked, earning a grin from the consultant.

Jane put enough space between him and the working pair before dialing a number he hadn't called in some time. "Hey Annie."

"Mr. Jane?" He smiled at the confusion in her tone, his smile slipping when she began to sound more panicked. "Is everything okay? Aunt Reese isn't hurt, is she?"

"Uh, actually I was hoping you'd be able to shed some more light on that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she's not hurt that I know of," he hedged.

"You don't where she is, do you? You lost her. Oh my god, I can't believe you lost my aunt." He could practically hear her shaking her head in disapproval and disbelief.

"I didn't lose her!" he defended himself childishly.

"Mmhmm," she mumbled, unconvinced.

He could tell he was quickly losing the conversation. "Anyway, Annie, I called to see if your Aunt Reese was staying with you and your dad."

"No, why would she be here?"

"How closely do you follow the news?" Jane figured treading cautiously was the best bet. Lisbon wouldn't be happy with him when they finally reunited if he'd incorrectly handled a family situation with her niece.

"If you're talking about the thing with Uncle James, Dad and I both saw it. And I'm sure Aunt Reese is upset. Dad said she sounded a little like a zombie when he talked to her but I still don't understand why she would be here."

"Wait, your dad talked to Lisbon?"

"Yeah, he called her after he heard about it on the news. She kept telling him she was fine but he clearly didn't believe her; I mean, would you? Anyway, she told him she just needed some time to think about things and she'd get back to him."

"Do you know where she went to do this thinking?"

"She didn't go anywhere. We saw her on the news a week later. Some publicity thing congratulating her and assuring the public that Red John was gone and never coming back or something like that. So, how did you lose her?" she finished accusingly.

"Annie," he said with mock warning, "I told you before: I did not lose her."

"Uh-huh, so where is she?"

"Just because I don't know the answer to that question does not mean that I lost her."

"Then where is she?"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out and it would be a lot easier if you helped me by giving me information rather than accusing me of losing your aunt."

"Yes, I'm sure it would be easier…just like it would have been easier on Dad and I if we hadn't been told that Aunt Reese was dead and you had killed her! All for some STUPID plot to catch a killer!"

Jane held the phone away from his ear until the yelling stopped. "Annie, I'm really truly sorry about all of that and I'll give you whatever you want next time I see you; but for now, I really need to know where your aunt Reese is."

He heard a disgruntled sigh from the other end of the phone. "Look, I don't know where Aunt Reese is. I really don't. Sorry."

"Yeah, I was afraid of that. Well, I have to get back to work."

"Mr. Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Find her, okay? And…and don't let her go when you do," she practically begged him. "Don't be an idiot," she finished dryly.

He chuckled slightly. "I promise you, Annie, I will find her."

"Good. I'll hold you to it."

"Take care, Annie."

"See ya."

* * *

"Van Pelt, I need you to track Lisbon's cell."

"Well, I can try, Jane; but chances are her phone is off and I won't be able to track it."

"Just do what you can…please."

"Alright," she replied doubtfully as she typed a few keys. She shook her head sadly. "Her cell phone is off. I can't track it."

"Her cell wasn't at the apartment. Can you see where it was on last?"

"Yes," she answered, glancing at the computer screen. "Last used at her apartment the day she left."

"Was it later that night or right after she left here?"

"Looks like it was right after she left here."

Jane let out a frustrated sigh and Rigsby clapped a supportive hand on his shoulder. "There's a camera outside her apartment complex. Let's check that." He was just about to try to convince the doubtful looking pair when Cho came up behind them.

"Do it. Start about an hour before we found the letters."

Van Pelt shook her head with a sigh but typed away. "Spying on our boss is wrong. Hacking into the _security system_ is wrong."

"Yes, it is. But finding her is more important. She needs us. She needs our help."

"Alright, here she is," Van Pelt pointed out.

"There's her box of stuff," Rigsby pointed out. "So it's after she left the office."

"Fast forward," Cho instructed and Van Pelt did so. They watched people go in and out for hours but they never saw Lisbon exit again.

The team was feeling bored out of their mind when Jane suddenly jumped up, making them jump slightly. "She knew it was there! That's why we haven't seen her. Van Pelt, check the back camera."

They watched more hours of tape before calling it a dead end. They even went so far as to check the cameras at the surrounding gas station to no avail.

"What if we put a BOLO out on her car?" Rigsby suggested.

Jane shook his head. "No, it's at her apartment. She must have gone on foot or taken a cab."

"To where?"

"That's the million dollar question, now isn't it? Van Pelt, if you needed to get away and be alone for a while, where would you go?"

"A spa resort? On it," she turned to the computer at Cho and Jane's shared look. They checked all the resorts in the state to no avail.

"Jane," Cho lowered his voice for privacy. "All we can do now is report it to missing persons. Put her photo out there."

"Lisbon would kill us if we did that. No, we're working with a pro here." He found himself smiling at the challenge. "Let's head south."

"How far south?"

"Mexico."

"You're insane."

"Trust me."

"The whole team can't take off to go to Mexico for no reason. You're going to have to take on Mexico on your own."

"If that's what it takes," he responded on his way to the elevator.

"Jane!" the team called after him.

"Seriously, guys, I understand. Lisbon would kill me if I caused you guys to lose your jobs."

"Again," the three agents chorused.

"Again," he agreed before leaving.

When the consultant's blonde curls disappeared around the corner, Cho turned to the red-headed agent. "Van Pelt – "

"Tracking his cell, Cho."

"Good work," he praised and they all got back to work, occasionally checking Jane's progress while they were at it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist or the characters.**

**Hope you all like this chapter. I think it was a bit rushed but I didn't want it to be too terribly long and I think I put too much in this chapter. Anyway, let me know what you think in the reviews! And thanks for all the reviews I've gotten on other chapters! You all are really great :)**

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_North Bend, Washington_

Lisbon jumped at the knock on the door. Who in the world would be visiting her here? No one in town knew where she lived. She'd made sure of it. She grabbed her gun and twisted the door handle, allowing the door to slowly swing open. She aimed at the heavy footsteps cautiously making their way inside the old cabin. She placed her finger on the trigger just as the figure emerged.

"Danny?" She lowered her gun slightly.

"Hey," he greeted awkwardly, holding his hands up slightly in surrender.

She put the gun down on the table. "Hey yourself. What are you doing here?"

He stared at an empty Patron bottle on the floor. "I think a more important question is what are _you_ doing here?"

"Don't make assumptions, Daniel," she rolled her eyes and grinned. "That's over now."

"You sure?" She could tell he didn't fully believe her. She wasn't entirely sure if she believed herself.

Her grin softened and she sighed. "Truthfully? I hope so but I can never really know."

She looked more vulnerable than last time he'd seen her, more honest. She'd lost that harsh edge he'd last seen. She seemed more like the person he'd first met, the cop that had let him go as a favor to a best friend. "Fair enough," he assented, willing to let it go for now.

"Come on in," she invited as she closed the front door.

* * *

They sat down at the small dining table staring at their glasses, wondering who would break the silence. Lisbon's interrogation skills took over as she initiated their conversation. "So, what brings you to Washington?"

"Checking up on my favorite runaway," he smirked.

"Really," she laughed. "And you're not up here because you're in some kind of trouble?"

"It wouldn't be entirely honest to say I'm not completely avoiding certain people."

"Of course."

"But, I could avoid those people anywhere."

"And you chose here because…"

Danny shrugged. "I thought about you. Figured I hadn't seen you making any speeches to the public about any murderers so you probably weren't back at work yet."

"What kind of logic is that?" she challenged.

"Good logic, I think, given that you're still here and I found you."

"I suppose."

"So, what have you been doing? I mean, you've been up here for about 2 weeks, right?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I've just been hiking around and hanging out in town."

"And drinking?" he asked with raised eyebrow, challenging her to lie to him.

"Not since the bottle emptied."

"And how long ago was that?"

She crossed her arms but answered him nonetheless. "A day after I got here. Is this an interrogation or something?"

"No," he shook his head and raised his hands in surrender before fiddling with his glass once more. "Just wondering, Teresa."

"Thanks, but I can take care of myself."

"Obviously." He met her eyes so she could see he meant it. "You look good."

She blushed slightly. "Thanks. Want to grab a bite to eat? I know this really great place in town if you're hungry." She was desperate for a change in topic.

"Sure, that sounds great," he agreed, following her out of the tiny cabin.

The lunch in town was lighthearted and led to a series of intimate meals, fun adventures in the mountain woods, and increasing romance between the pair over the next two weeks. They didn't take long to go from kissing to sleeping together. Danny was clearly infatuated while Lisbon still felt as though something was missing, though she wouldn't admit it to herself or anyone else who asked.

One night after making love, Danny turned to Lisbon. He just couldn't avoid things any longer. He needed to make money. He needed to get back to his life. He'd been hoping she'd come back with him but he'd been waiting for the right moment. But if they were going to be together, then some questions needed answering. "Teresa, what happened between you and Patrick?"

She huffed slightly in frustration. "Do we have to do this, Danny?"

"Hey, what better way to get it out of your system than to tell someone you'll never see in your work life? Someone who doesn't know every aspect of your life. Someone – "

"I get it, okay?" She laughed and shook her head slightly. She sighed before turning slightly serious. "What happened between me and Jane…" She appeared to ponder the right way to phrase things. "Red John. Red John happened. Red John happened to many people. He's killed so many people. He's tortured others. He's played a cat and mouse game with Jane for nearly a decade. But you know what? It was never about _him_. The egotistical ass always thought it was about _him_. See, Red John quoted this poem to Jane and he didn't tell me about it for some time. Because he wanted to keep it to himself, wanted to keep Red John to himself. _He_ thought that poem was to taunt him."

"But I take it from your tone that it wasn't."

"No, it wasn't." She shook her head slightly. "We'd played on that theory for years. Turns out he wanted to taunt me."

"And Patrick was just a cover?" He asked, confused.

She gave a small self-deprecating laugh, shaking her head slowly. "No, not according to Red John. To torture Jane is to torture myself."

"Wait, what does that mean?"

"Apparently," she continued slowly, "the serial killer had it in his mind that Jane and I loved each other or something so to torture him…" she trailed off.

"Was to torture you," Danny finished. "He certainly played on that kind heart of yours." He went to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "Wait, I thought you said this about some poem?"

"I did," she acknowledged, clearly hesitant to share more.

"And the poem?" he gently pushed.

"The poem called the Tyger questions if 'He who made the lamb made thee.' Basically, taunting me about the God that I believe in. How can He make someone as horrible as a killer like Red John and someone as innocent as…"

"You?" he suggested quietly.

"I don't know," she responded with quiet contemplation. "I really don't. That's the one part I'm not sure of. It seems to be sort of a metaphor for how we grew up. My mother being the lamb, kind and innocent in life and in the way she died; my father being the tiger, gentle giant one moment then violent the next with only a late night visit from a police officer as a warning."

"Wait, you grew up with Red John?" He saw her wince and start to clam up. "Hey." He reached forward and softly held her hand, uncharacteristically comforting.

She finally met his eyes, searching them before finally confiding. "Not exactly. I did meet him though…years ago." She swallowed over a sudden lump in her throat. "My older brother James would bring over his college roommate from time to time when he came to visit me…I…I didn't know at the time but…but he…" She sighed and decided it was just time to be blunt about it. "Red John was my brother's college roommate."

He felt as if he'd been doused with a bucket of ice water, the shock causing him to let go of her hand. He didn't realize his mistake until it was too late.

She stood and walked away, her hands in her pockets and shoulders hunched. "Well, you know, if you hate me, I understand."

"I don't hate you, Teresa. Why would I? I'm a little shocked, I admit, but I don't hate you. I mean it's not like you were involved with a guy like that, right?"

"Well…" she hedged.

"Oh my God…"

She closed her eyes in regret and threw her head back, groaning at the ceiling before turning back to Danny for damage control. She just needed to approach this calmly and carefully. He'll be the one freaking out. No need to make it worse by losing her temper. "Okay, see what you have to understand about that is – "

"Just, hold on. I just need a moment to really let it sink in."

"Okay, but let me explain because it's not what you think."

"Not what I think? Do you even _know_ what I think? Do you, Teresa? I have visions of you in kinky positions with a red-headed bozo with handcuffs and a whip – "

"Okay, would you stop being childish for one second and let me explain? It was nothing like that…_absolutely_ nothing like _that_! That's just gross. Seriously, why would you go there?"

He shrugged. "It's an idea."

"No," she said definitively. "First of all, I never slept with Jonathan."

"Jonathan? You're calling him Jonathan?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, it's easier to say than I made out with Red John!" She finally yelled, her resolve broken.

"That's gross."

"I admit it's disturbing."

"Why would you make out with him? Is he really that charming?"

"No," she answered darkly. "He isn't nearly as charming as he'd like to think."

"Then why?"

"Well, it wasn't that simple. It isn't like we met and then made out or vice versa. When we first met, he was an egotistical ass…thought I'd fall for him immediately. And when I didn't, he just kept coming on to me. Now that I think about it, he was a lot like Jane when he forgot who he was…minus the psychic thing. But still very different. Jane always had a good guy underneath."

Danny couldn't ignore the pang he felt at her wistful look. He couldn't help it. He had to look away. It hurt slightly that she hadn't noticed, taking a breath before continuing her story.

"Jonathan was evil through and through. Oh, he did a great job of hiding it. But you could tell there was something about him that didn't make you really feel all that safe. Anyway, James brought him over a few times a year and I ran into him at James' graduation party. It had been a really tough day on the job…kids getting hurt is always rough…"

"Was it a Red John case?"

"No," she shook her head. "He's not the only creep out there. But, it was graphic and just something I needed to forget so…I had a bit more to drink that night than I should have and somehow ended up making out with Jonathan. I don't know if he saw me drinking and decided to make his move or if he just happened to be there."

"Men make themselves conveniently there, Teresa."

"Well, at the time, I could care less. Either way, it didn't go beyond that...not that night or any other night. It was a one-time thing that I absolutely regret but can't do anything about. I never saw or heard from him again until one day he just showed up…"

"Just showed up?"

"If I'd known where he was going to be, do you think I'd really go there? Willingly or unwillingly? We've been chasing this guy for years and he's like a ghost."

"So how did you two reunite?"

"He threatened to hurt James' wife Rachel and their kids if James didn't help him. So, my brother practically delivered me to Red John."

Danny let out a tensed sigh. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"I guess Patrick figured things out and showed up at the pow wow?"

"He showed up, that much I know. I'm not sure how he figured it all out."

"Why don't you ask him?" he suggested tentatively.

She shook her head sadly. "He hates me right now. I've had a lot of thinking to do up here and I've sort of come to terms with everything that's happened but I know he can't possibly forgive me for everything that's happened. If I hadn't been so focused on my job – if I'd checked in with James more often, maybe I would have found out sooner."

"Teresa, you're not superwoman."

"I think maybe sometimes he thinks I am…always swooping in to save him at the last minute."

"It would do him good to get hurt every once in a while."

"He's been hurt enough," she defended with a sad smile.

Again, he couldn't help the pang he felt. "Teresa, I'm always going to be second best. I know that. I'm just wondering if it's worth it…"

"What are you talking about?"

"You love Patrick."

She thought back to the warehouse and the hug they shared before Red John and James died. It had been a way to simultaneously grab his gun and say goodbye had things gone badly. She'd felt so many emotions at the time and hadn't thought twice about sorting through them since she'd been at the cabin. She'd focused so much on Red John, James, and her feelings towards both of them as well as whether or not she'd made the right decision to shoot them both.

Lisbon turned to see Danny watching her with a pained expression. "I don't know what to tell you, Danny. I don't even know what feelings I have toward Jane, much less what feelings he has towards me. It's just…It's complicated."

"I know that. But, the man _was_ my brother-in-law for some time. I just don't know if I can be second best to him for the rest of my life. I just don't think it would work out between the two of us like that."

"I know," she sighed softly. "I'm sorry. For what it's worth, Danny, you would never be second best…You would just be different."

He paused before getting up to leave. "You too, Teresa." At her confused look, he elaborated. "You would never be second best to Angela in Patrick's eyes…just different."

She smiled, her eyes watering in spite of herself. "Goodbye, Daniel." She leaned forward and left a lingering kiss on his cheek.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: If I owned the show, I wouldn't have to keep searching for spoilers.**

**So sorry this took so long, loyal readers. I've been busy with school and planning my wedding. I have hardly any down time. Bet you all thought I was gone for good, huh? Well, I'll never leave you all for good. I can't; I care about this fandom way too much for that! Chapter 9 and 10 are already in the works so hopefully it won't take too long.**

* * *

_Tijuana, Mexico_

Patrick Jane took a sip of his mojito as he glanced around the beach. Had he not had such an important reason for being here, he'd love to people watch on the beach for hours. But it wasn't fully worth it if he couldn't tell Lisbon about it afterward. It really surprised him just how many things weren't really worth it if he couldn't tell her about it.

He sighed and placed a few bills on the bar, slipping a picture out of his jacket pocket as he did so. He flashed Lisbon's picture to the bartender, expecting the man's disappointing shake of the head. So, he moved on. He walked the beaches. He checked the bars, anticipating she'd be drowning her sorrows…all to no avail. He even began checking the churches, remembering the many times he'd seen her turn to faith in distress but that turned out to be a fruitless endeavor as well.

As he made his way back to his hotel at the end of the day, the thought of checking hotels began to cross his mind. Then his phone vibrated to alert him of a text. Exhausted, he took it out of his pocket to see Van Pelt alert him that Lisbon's credit card wasn't used anywhere in Tijuana, nor had her passport been used at the border. He sighed and shook his head. Lisbon really wasn't making this easy but he was grateful for the team's dedication.

He flashed Lisbon's picture to the desk clerk for what seemed the hundredth time today before heading to his room. Sleep, when it came, was as restless and fitful as he'd expected it to be.

In the morning, Jane awoke and, despite Van Pelt's text, spent the day flashing Lisbon's picture to hotel clerks all throughout the city. Of course, the team had been right. Lisbon wasn't here. He'd even tuned into his observational skills to see if they'd been lying…they hadn't. But, he had learned quite a few interesting things about the people he encountered, as usual. And, due partly to his frustration with the search, landed a few punches to nose when he couldn't resist pointing out various scandalous affairs between hotel employees as well as petty thieves. Unhappy with himself and bitter about the results, he took his possibly broken nose in a cab to Tijuana International, catching the red-eye and escaping Tijuana's angry hotel workers.

_La Paz, Mexico_

Jane stepped out of the cab he'd taken from El Alto International and checked into the cheap hotel. He lay on the bed and watched the dust play in the faded morning light, the familiar weight of insomnia deep in his bones. He sighed, unable to sleep, and decided he'd get started on his search in the new city. His feet led him from church to church, his mind preoccupied with the confusion of where Lisbon truly was. He sat in the last church, rejected again and took in his surroundings. He almost understood the people surrounding him, praying for guidance and help. He could use a bit of guidance himself but he wouldn't pray. He'd never really believed in it…besides, it was just another reminder of the person he was looking for. He stood, brushing his hands on his pants, before heading to the beaches.

He couldn't remember how long he'd been walking, passing face after unfamiliar face, when he realized just where his feet had led him. He smiled and shook his head at the familiar boat. He debated for a moment before sauntering up to a man he hadn't ever expected to see again, much less seek advice about a mutual acquaintance.

"Greg, what a pleasant surprise," Jane greeted.

The man who his Lisbon was once engaged to turned and recognized the blonde curls and three piece suit after a moment of confusion. "Patrick Jane," he greeted back smoothly. "Has another crew member of mine turned up dead somewhere?"

"No, none that I'm aware of. Murder isn't what brings me to La Paz. Much like you, I'm sure, it is mystery that brings me here."

"Mystery, huh?"

"Yes, though I bet you're here about Cortes' treasure."

"Yeah, I am. I take it you aren't?"

"No, a different type of mystery brought me to the beautiful beaches of La Paz."

"Teresa know you're here?" He questioned. At the consultant's wide smile, Greg chuckled softly. "So she'll either kill me if she finds out I've talked to you while you're chasing some mystery lead or she's the mystery…I can't lie to Teresa, Patrick. It's practically impossible."

"Then I guess it's a good thing you don't have to lie. Teresa's the only mystery to solve in Mexico. Some things went badly and she's run off. The team can't find her."

"And you think she came here?"

"Where do you think she would go?"

The man shrugged and sighed, shaking his head as he looked out over the peaceful water. "My best guess when she left me was that she'd gone to a place her great aunt used to own. On her mother's side," he explained. "She always talked about running away to that cabin…and one day she did."

"Where is it?"

"She never said. She only talked of mountains and forests. She never even mentioned what state it was in."

"Well, that's Lisbon."

"It isn't exactly easy to find her, is it?"

"No, it certainly isn't."

"A piece of advice, Patrick…don't give up on the search. She can say she doesn't want to be found all she wants, but…"

"But she doesn't quite know what she wants…Yeah, I know. It was good to see you, Greg."

"Likewise, Patrick. Good luck." They shook hands before going their separate ways.

Jane lay down on his hotel bed, thinking over the conversation he'd just had with another man Teresa Lisbon had run out on. So, Lisbon had a cabin. He could easily get Van Pelt to do a search on property owned by the Lisbon family. But, if they hadn't found it by now, it was possible that the property was under some name other than Teresa Lisbon's. No, she had to get there somehow. She didn't take any public transportation and she didn't use her own car. So, she had an accomplice. Who would she trust?

Or, rather, who would she trust on the seedy side? She obviously hadn't trusted anyone in law enforcement to get her out. They would've come forward the minute they realized Lisbon had been gone too long. So, who? Well, there was Pete and Sam but he knew they were nowhere near Sacramento when Lisbon had left. Of course, he realized the only seedy people Lisbon knew and trusted were associates of his. She wouldn't have trusted Summer to not crumble in front of Cho's stare. His associates…That only left one person Lisbon would trust. Danny Ruskin. It made sense. He owed her for letting him escape before the police got there. Of course she'd be able to use it in her favor. He pounded his fist against the mattress in frustration. Why hadn't he thought of it before?

The next morning Jane headed straight for the airport. He'd thought about leaving that night but he'd succumbed to the lack of sleep instead. He supposed it was the relief of having a direction at last. His thoughts had taken a temporary vacation after his talk with Greg and his weary bones had sought salvation on the cheap hotel bed. He'd woken rested enough to fuel his search for his brother-in-law.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own The Mentalist.**

**Enjoy! And let me know what you guys think :) Lyrics are from Wide Awake by Katy Perry.**

* * *

_North Bend, Washington_

_**I'm wide awake**_

Lisbon watched as Danny disappeared into the night, leaving her to pick up the pieces alone. She didn't waste any time erasing all the traces that he'd been there at all. She stood in the bedroom doorway and almost wondered whether he really had come or if she'd just been too lonely up here on the mountain.

_**I'm wide awake**_

But, the mild aching in her heart was a definite reminder that Danny had indeed been there. She sighed and lay in bed, turning out the light. She'd never been so awake as she lay under the covers, an awakeness incomparable to the caffeine she was habitually addicted to. Without the warmth of another person in the lonely bedroom, the darkness and nightmares engulfed her.

_**I'm wide awake**_

"What'll you do to him this time?" Lisbon stalled desperately as she attempted to untie the knots behind her back. "Dice me up in front of him? Whatever you may think, Jonathan, Jane doesn't feel for me the way you think he does. This won't break him," she stated with a determinacy she didn't quite feel.

The soft laughter set a chill down her very bones. "Don't fear, Teresa, this knife isn't for you. James made a deal on your account. No, this knife is for Mr. Jane. I'm going to slice him much in the same way as all the others. "

_**Yeah, I was in the dark  
I was falling hard  
With an open heart  
I'm wide awake  
How did I read the stars so wrong**_

"It doesn't have to be like this, Jonathan. We can work something out." Lisbon turned her head to follow the famous serial killer who was circling her and twirling his infamous knife, desperately trying to reason with him. She ignored the pounding of her heart, allowing her negotiating skills to take over the situation.

"Oh, but I do, Teresa. This is what we have been working towards for many, many years."

"Why? Why do you insist on torturing Jane?"

He paused in his movements to face her. "Teresa, who said this was about torturing Patrick Jane? Did you not have my case before Mr. Jane?"

_**I'm wide awake  
And now it's clear to me  
That everything you see  
Ain't always what it seems  
I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long**_

After a confused few moments, she softly gasped. "Oh dear God…"

"That's right, Teresa."

"You sick, twisted bastard," she spat.

"Always so judgmental, Teresa. Perhaps you should look in the mirror more often. Is my manipulation of your caring nature and your feelings for Mr. Jane really as twisted as your falling in love with a man who will always be in love with his dead wife?"

She cringed at his callous mention of the dearly departed.

_**I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
Til I woke up on  
On the concrete**_

"James, please, it doesn't have to be like this," she pleaded with her brother. "Untie me and I'll get my team to check on Rachel and the kids."

She felt like she might wretch when he sadly shook his head. "I'm sorry, Reese. This is the only way. One day you'll understand."

_**Falling from cloud nine  
Crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight  
Yeah I'm falling from cloud nine**_

"Jonathan, please," she begged, taking a different route in the hopeless situation she found herself in. "We can cut a deal…just between the two of us."

He flashed a maniacal smile her way. "I'm intrigued, Teresa. Just what do you have in mind?"

_**I'm wide awake  
Not losing any sleep  
I picked up every piece  
And landed on my feet  
I'm wide awake  
Need nothing to complete myself**_

She took a deep breath to push away the nausea she felt at what she was about to ask. "What would it take….What would it take for you to let Jane go?"

"Now, Teresa, you know that will never happen," he chided her in that condescending tone.

She drew on the patience that was so often used up by Jane. "What would it take for you to show some mercy?"

_**I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I am born again  
Outta the lion's den  
I don't have to pretend  
And it's too late  
The story's over now, the end**_

He smiled brilliantly at her and she couldn't help but feel absolute dread. He uttered the two words she couldn't bear to hear. "Join me."

_**I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
Til I woke up on  
On the concrete**_

"Join me, Teresa, and I'll make Patrick Jane's death quick and painless. Swear an oath to me. Join my side. And do nothing to interfere with my plans for Mr. Jane and I'll do what you want. If, however, I see the tiniest indication that you are going to attempt to save your dear Patrick, I'll make you watch him bleed to death…slowly."

_**Falling from cloud nine  
Crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight  
I'm falling from cloud nine**_

It was like making a deal with the devil…and yet, her answer was nearly immediate. "Okay."

_**Thunder rumbling  
Castles crumbling  
I am trying to hold on  
God knows that I tried  
Seeing the bright side  
I'm not blind anymore**_

She saw the rest happen as if on fast forward. James had left to apprehend Jane after he'd broken in. Jane's limp body had been sat in the chair and tied tightly. The conversations…the hug…the shots…

_**Falling from cloud nine  
Crashing from the high  
Ya know I'm letting go tonight  
I'm falling from cloud nine**_

Lisbon sat up straight, wiping the cold sweat from her forehead. She swung her legs from the bed and began her day, there would be no sleeping with those awful images in her head.

_**I'm wide awake**_

Hearing a knock, she stood and opened the front door. Shock and suspicion crossed her face as she eyed the man on the other side. "Danny?"

"Can I come in?" He asked a bit sheepishly.

Her shoulders drooped slightly in a silent sigh as she stood aside for him to enter. "Sure, come on in."

"Don't mind if I do," another voice said before slipping past both of them and into the tiny cabin.

Danny held his hands up as he slowly followed the other man in. "Don't blame me."

"We had a deal," she growled, glaring at him.

"Technically, I think it's called blackmail and I'm pretty sure cops aren't supposed to do that," he sidestepped with a grin.

"Damn it, Danny!" She screamed, slamming the door shut.

"Don't blame Danny, Lisbon." She turned her attention to the unwanted intruder who had paused in his scrutinizing inspection of the small, old cabin to chastise her. "You aren't the only one who has dirt on him. I would say that if you're going to be mad at anyone, be mad at yourself for putting your trust and escape in the wrong person but I think we all know you're plenty mad at yourself already."

She clenched her fists and tamped down her anger. "It's none of your business who I am or am not mad at and I suggest the both of you get the hell out of my house right now."

"I think you owe me some explanations," he countered.

"I don't owe you anything," she seethed.

"Not even a letter?" he asked pointedly.

"You drove all the way up here for a letter?" She asked with raised eyebrow.

"Do you have a letter for me?" His gaze was unwavering.

She crossed her arms in front of her. "No."

"Why? Everyone else on the team got a letter."

"_Now_ you're part of the team?" She scoffed.

"Even Gable got a letter and I know you like me better than her," he pointed out with a ghost of a smug grin.

"Don't be so sure of yourself and besides, she was my boss. She deserved to know I was leaving."

"And I didn't deserve to know?" His features hardened.

"I figured you'd be around when everyone opened their letters." She shrugged.

"And if I wasn't?"

She rolled her eyes. "Then they'd question you anyway."

"If you knew I'd find out, why didn't you just tell me yourself, Lisbon?" He questioned, head tilted. "Couldn't think of what to say?" He added with a teasing smirk.

"Maybe I had nothing to say to you. Ever think about that?" She quipped.

He stalked toward her. "Oh, I'm sure you have plenty to say to me. No, I think you were more afraid of what I'd say to you."

"Oh yeah?" She wasn't believing him for a second. Never give in. Never give up. Don't let him think he's winning. Don't ever let him think he's right.

"Yeah."

"And just what would you say to me that I would be afraid of?" She baited.

"That you could have prevented it. That you could have stopped Red John a long time ago. That it's your fault all those people died. That if you'd caught him sooner, my wife and child wouldn't have died," he answered softly, not accusing, matter-of-factly.

She hung her head and busied herself with tidying the clean cottage. "Great. Well, now that you've said that, you can go."

"Lisbon." He grabbed her arm gently and didn't let her pull away. "I said that those were the things you'd be afraid of me saying. I never said I believed any of that."

"Yeah right," she said disbelievingly, her head still bowed and her voice watery.

He sighed, sliding his hands down her arms as he sat in front of her. "Teresa, if I believed any of that, I would have told you before you left. I had plenty of time. You stayed for two weeks after what happened with James."

"We didn't talk."

"No, we didn't. But you know I could have cornered you if I really wanted to."

"Why didn't you?" she whispered.

"Because I didn't think you'd leave. Because I didn't know what to say," he admitted, swallowing over the thump in his throat.

Danny cleared his throat and the pair awkwardly shifted at the reminder that they weren't the only ones in the small cabin. "As touching as all that is..." Danny trailed off.

"Uh, yeah," Jane began shifting his former brother-in-law toward the door. "I really appreciate you bringing me up here, Danny, but I think I've got it covered from here."

Danny put a hand up and moved around Jane, closer to Lisbon. "Actually, I think I'll stick around for a bit."

"Really?" Jane asked, head tilted.

"Really," Danny confirmed, daring Jane to challenge him.

Lisbon sensed the viciousness coming out in the pair and quietly slipped into the bedroom, escaping the unwanted drama. Neither noticed her escape and Jane continued to stare a hole through Danny. "What makes you think sticking around is necessary?"

"Well, for starters, the fact that Teresa had to run away to Washington to get away from you is a red flag. She doesn't deserve to be hurt by you."

"I'd never hurt her."

"Maybe not intentionally; but let's face it, Patrick, you hurt the people you come in contact with."

"Oh, you're going to go there? That's really nice," he retorted facetiously, more than a little stung by Danny's words. "And what's going on with you anyway? Since when do you care about what happens between me and Teresa?"

"I care," he defended weakly.

Jane turned slightly pale as the realization hit him. "You slept with her?!"

"It's not what you think." Danny knew he should have expected the blow to his jaw. "She's sweet but feisty…and funny in a dry sort of way. She called me Daniel," he recalled with a wistful smile. "She's amazing…even more so when you remember she's a cop," he added with a laugh. Then he turned glaring eyes to Jane. "She's too good for you."

"Like you're better than me? Please. I've been working with cops for years putting away criminals like you!"

"Hah! You were using the CBI for personal revenge and everyone knows it!"

"To avenge the death of my wife and child, _your_ sister and niece. Besides, I'm her best friend. What are you?"

"I'm the man who slept with her!"

"You son of a – "

"OKAY!" Lisbon stormed out of the bedroom and quickly placed herself between the two men. "Let's just all take a deep breath – "

"How could you do that?" Jane questioned his former brother-in-law, ignoring Lisbon's interruption.

"How could I not?" Danny countered. "How could _you_ not?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Angie wouldn't want that and you know it. You know damn well she'd call you an idiot for torturing yourself for this long."

"I don't need anyone else calling me an idiot for that. Lisbon's had that covered for years," he gestured to the woman in question who was watching the conversation like a tennis match.

"ALRIGHT!" Lisbon finally got the attention of the men in the room. She took a deep breath and let it out. "Alright, this is weird. Okay? Even for me. And I've had plenty of experience dealing with strange things working with Jane over the years. But this? This is too far. There will be no more talk of love or sex inside, or _out_," she emphasized with a glare at both the conman and the former conman. They both grinned at the fact she'd thought of the loophole. "Of this cabin, are we clear?" The two men nodded. "Okay. Now, Jane, you stay here. Danny, I want to talk to you alone for a minute, okay?"

"Okay," he sent Jane a smug grin as he followed Lisbon to the bedroom. Jane gave him a murderous glare, only letting out a small, sinister smile when Lisbon shoved him for the suggestive hint.

"Daniel, what is wrong with you?!" Lisbon whisper-yelled.

He chuckled. "I think maybe you should be more specific."

"Why would you tell him we slept together?"

"First of all, I didn't tell him. He figured it out. Don't ask me how. You know how that man is. Second of all, I hardly even confirmed it. I just wanted him to know that it wasn't what he thought it was. He's under the impression that you were vulnerable and I took advantage of you. Third of all, why shouldn't he know? Are you ashamed of sleeping with me?"

"No, I'm not ashamed of it. I just didn't ever want him to find out. Oh, don't look at me like that. I don't care if everyone else I knew found out, just not him."

"Why him?"

"Because it would hurt him too much."

"No more than running all the way to Washington did."

Her eyes turned cold. "I told you. I left because I needed to figure some things out, not to hurt him or get away from him."

"Oh, so that's what the whole crazy spy thing was about," he mocked.

"I had to get away from him _in order to_ figure things out!"

"Bullshit. That's bullshit and you know it!"

"It is NOT! He clouds my judgment! I can't think about anything else when he's around! I can't _focus_ when he's around!"

"Because you love him," Danny said softly.

Lisbon sighed and a single tear coursed down her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Danny." She slowly wound her arms around his neck and his arms closed around her.

He sighed and brought a hand up to stroke the back of her head. "Shh, I know. I know. It's okay. I get it. I really do."

"You do?" she whispered softly in his ear.

"Of course. Why do you think I brought him here?" He reluctantly pulled away. "He loves you too, you know."

"Says you," she countered, unconvinced. He shook his head but didn't say anything as he opened the bedroom door. He wordlessly passed Jane on the way to the front door. Lisbon stopped him just outside the door, kissing him on the cheek. "Goodbye Daniel." She softly closed the door and turned with a sigh to the man who was still inside the cabin. She suppressed the urge to scowl at his scrutinizing stare. "What are you thinking about it?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist.**

**Well, I hope three chapter uploads tonight makes up for my long absence. That is, if anyone is still reading this story. The next chapter will probably be the last for this story. Farewell for now, my friends.**

* * *

"You don't usually ask," Jane stalled, a bit surprised at the blunt question.

"Well, I figured it's a quicker way to shooting down your theories if you just tell me what they are."

He decided to go for the blunt response in return. "I'm thinking Danny wasn't lying. You two actually did sleep together."

"Jane," she protested, sounding exhausted.

"What really hurts is that his feelings weren't unreciprocated," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "You actually like him."

"Like…yes," she agreed slowly. "I do like him. Not as much as he likes me, I'm afraid." She bit back a smile at his hopeful look. "It's a shame. He really is a good guy underneath it all."

"I suppose," he grumbled, causing her to laugh.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that."

"Be like what?"

"Jealous."

"Jealous? _Me?_"

"Yes, you. Go on, admit it. You're jealous of Danny."

"Why? Because he slept with you once?"

"Who said it was only once?" She challenged with a smirk.

"Well, it obviously won't be forever since he left," he countered, ignoring the bile that rose at the thought that it wasn't a one-night stand.

"How do you know he won't come back after you're gone?"

"One, because I'll never be gone." He fixed her with a signature intense stare until he was sure she understood. "Two…because only a fool would ever leave you."

"What about someone who lets me go?"

Jane sighed. "Lisbon, I never let you go. You ran away from me. You ran away from all of us. But I found you. I tracked you down," he said with a smug smile.

"After a month…What took you so long?" she asked quietly. She couldn't ever remember wanting an answer so badly.

He gave a small laugh. "It pains me to say this, my dear; but, you're really good at what you do. I gave you a week before losing patience. Of course, that's when I realized you'd gone. I admit you had me pegged. I went looking in Mexico. You knew I'd fall for the cliché."

"As original as you may be, you do tend to fall for clichés like that. Remember Culpepper?"

"Of course, how could I not? You punched him and got in trouble with Laroche just to help me."

"You really were an idiot…still are."

"You were always doing things like that just to help me, save me," he said wistfully. "Can't do that from Washington."

"Well, sometimes I need to help myself. And besides, you were doing just fine when I left."

"Lisbon, when have I ever been fine? And I know you won't believe me but sometimes it is okay to let someone else save you." She gave him a wide smile, causing him to roll his eyes. "Oh, come on. Don't tell me he told you that too."

"Okay, I won't," she retorted with a big smile.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," she answered with a serene sigh. "But Danny couldn't save me if he tried. There's someone else who's already taken that job, apparently it's his job to save me whether I like it or not."

"Sounds like quite the protector."

"Or a pushy know-it-all," she quipped and they exchanged grins. "So how long did it take you to figure out I hadn't gone to Mexico?"

"About 2 weeks."

"And how long until you cornered Danny?"

"That's a little more complicated. I was able to corner him yesterday. The first time I went looking, I couldn't find him. I ended up asking around but there wasn't a whole lot to go on. Luckily, he finally showed up."

Lisbon awkwardly averted her eyes and crossed the room in an attempt to get away from him. "You don't say," she laughed nervously.

"He was with you?" He asked incredulously and resisted the urge to slam his fist into the cabin wall.

"Yes, he was with me," she answered, starting to get defensive. "So what? What's it to you? You and I were never in a relationship nor did you ever act like you ever wanted one!"

"Oh, so me saying I loved you in your office before I fake shot you meant nothing then?"

"Oh, _now_ you remember what you said."

"Oh for the love of – "

"I'm allowed to have a relationship!" Lisbon interrupted. "I'm allowed to sleep with whoever I want."

"So everything we've been through meant nothing."

"I lost all that, Jane. I lost it the moment I found out James was helping Red John. I lost you. I lost what was left of my family. I lost the team. I lost the respect of every CBI agent in the entire bureau. I lost everything. The funny thing is…what hurt the most was losing you."

"You really believed that didn't you?" he asked softly, looking almost amazed. "Lisbon, you never lost me. You could never lose me. The fact that your brother did this to you only strengthens my hate for _him_…because…Lisbon, I don't know what to do without you. Red John, before we ever figured out who he was, knew that you were the last thing I had left to lose. Why else would he ask for your dead body as a gift for my friendship with him? Lisbon," he took her hand as he continued, "you couldn't lose me if you tried because I've tried living without you; and frankly my dear, it sucks." That earned him a watery laugh, which he returned with a soft smile. "That's better."

"So, that thing you said before you shot me…What did you mean?" she asked for the second time since his long ago confession.

He smiled inwardly as he remembered their past conversation. "What was it that I said?"

"Damn it, Jane!" She stood and wrenched her hand from his, stomping away from him.

He didn't let her get far, standing and catching her by the elbow. He spun her around to face him. Her hands on his vest, trapped between them. Their breaths mingled in the miniscule space separating them. "I meant that I love you. I love you like a best friend. I love you like the last thing on this Earth that I have to protect. I love you like you're the first person on my mind when I wake up, the last when I go to sleep, and every time in between. I love you like all of those silly love songs that make too much sense. I love you like I've only loved one other person before, Teresa Lisbon. Does that answer your question?"

She tried to control the spinning feeling in her head. "Yeah," she answered breathlessly. "That about covers it."

"Good," he said before capturing her lips in a searing case. Her hands fisted in his vest as she gave as good as she got. He broke away too soon for either of them. "I just need to know one thing."

"I love you too," she rushed out before kissing him again. When she was sure he wasn't going to stop them again, she moved her arms around his neck. Jane rubbed his hands down her back, squeezing her buttocks slightly before stooping slightly to pick her up. Lisbon wrapped her legs around his waist, soon feeling the cabin wall against her back. She smiled into his kiss. "If you were trying to get us to the bedroom, it seems you've failed."

"Think of it as a speed bump, Teresa," he laughed. He leaned his forehead against hers as he tried to catch his breath.

"You drive around speed bumps," she pointed out.

He chuckled. "You don't."

"So what's your reason for switching roles?"

"What's yours?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Hmm. Now I'm not so sure."

"You know curiosity killed the cat."

"And satisfaction brought him back."

"You're incorrigible."

"Meh. I've been called worse."

She shook her head with a smile. "Maybe we should sit down for this."

"Alright, but don't think I'm letting go of you."

"Fair enough." She unwrapped her legs and he lowered her so she was standing in front of him. She grabbed his hand and led him to the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. "My reason for avoiding speed bumps is my mother."

He chose his words carefully, speaking slowly in a neutral tone. "Your dead mother."

"Yeah. I know it sounds strange."

"I've heard stranger, but I think more explanation is in order."

"I had a bit to drink one night..."

"Meaning a whole bottle, continue."

She rolled her eyes at his assumption, never mind how true it was. "Alright, so a whole bottle, and I may have had a hallucination."

"Of your mother?"

She shook her head. "No, my father. But I sobered up and did some thinking and that's when my mother showed up. I know you don't believe in Heaven or angels or anything like that."

"But _you_ do," he interjected.

She smiled. "I do," she agreed. "Anyway, I talked it all out with her. She made me tell her everything that happened and it's forced me to face everything and deal with it instead of running away."

"And have you? Dealt with things," he clarified.

She took a deep breath and let it out. "For the most part. I know it will take longer to forgive James but I've made peace as much as I can now. I've forgiven myself for the most part...though I still think I could have prevented a lot of this."

"Lisbon, I have to ask - "

"Jane," she interrupted, warning clear in her voice, "I know you read my statement. Let's not go through this."

"I need to hear you say it."

"Fine," she huffed.

"You knew Red John."

"Yes, I knew Red John."

"_When_ did you know he was Red John?"

"In the warehouse," she answered and rushed to defend herself, "and I swear to you it was no sooner than that."

He took a moment to search her eyes and seemed satisfied with what he found there."Alright," he accepted.

"Alright," Lisbon parroted, deflating with the ease of her tension.

"Lisbon?"

His cautious tone immediately triggered her suspicion. "What?" she asked warily.

"How did you know Red John?"

"That wasn't in the statement?"

"Oh, it mentioned that you met him through James, that the two went to college together."

"There you go then."

"But, there's more, isn't there?"

She tensed and her thinly veiled agitation was clear as day when she countered his question with her own. "Why do you always think there's more, Jane? Why can't something just ever be what it is and nothing else?"

"Because it usually is something more. Lisbon, I'm almost positive there was something more there; but if you tell me there wasn't, then I'll trust you." It wouldn't be easy but Lisbon was making it difficult to gain ground and she'd always had difficulty trusting him.

"Really?" she asked with raised eyebrow.

"Really."

"And what's with all the trust suddenly?"

"Oh, stop being so skeptical. This is a one time opportunity. I'm doing whatever I can to get you to come back. The least you can do is answer my question."

"It's hardly the least," she grumbled. "First of all, who said I'm ready to come back? Second of all, to answer your question..." she trailed off and took a deep breath to summon the courage she desperately needed for this conversation. "Yes, there was something more," she started cautiously. "But not a whole lot more."

"How much more?" he asked carefully.

"A drunken party incident," she answered.

"I'm sure this is indelicate but I need to know...how far?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"Did you tell Danny?" he countered.

Lisbon rolled her eyes; she'd had about enough of male egos for the day. "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, if Danny gets to know, why can't I know?"

"Danny asked after - " Lisbon started but cut herself off.

"Danny asked after what?"

"Well, after...after..." she stumbled through her words before huffing in frustration. Good grief, she wasn't a teenager anymore. Why was this so difficult? "He just asked one night while he was staying up here...his last night."

"After you slept with him."

"Yes, Danny asked me one night after we slept together."

"Lisbon, I'm not going to sleep with you for information. Whenever we sleep together, not only will it be a night to remember, but it will be because we both want to."

"_When_ we sleep together?" she stressed and rolled her eyes at his insatiable smile. "If you really need to know, Jonathan and I only had one drunken make-out session." She watched him take a deep breath and accept it. "I never saw him after that...and I keep thinking that had I known...or if I'd kept in touch with James..."

"Well, we can't change the past, right? But we can move forward," he said, taking her hand and looking in her eyes with such hope.

"That's it?" she asked skeptically.

"Well, I would say that I don't understand how you could be with a guy like that but I suppose I can understand it."

"What?" She scrunched her face up in confusion.

"Well, I wasn't the most moral-driven guy but Angela fell for me. I suppose it isn't the end of the world if all you did was make-out with a serial killer."

"To what do I owe this cavalier attitude?"

"Your absence has given me plenty of time to deal with a lot of what was left in the wake of the Red John hurricane."

"Jane, in the warehouse…when I hugged you…I am sorry for everything that happened."

"I know," he assured her with a meaningful look before kissing the back of her hand. "But there's something else we need to talk about." He braced himself for the argument to come.

***CC***

"Tommy's worried."

"He'll be fine. He's a big boy."

"Annie's worried."

"She'll be fine. She has her dad. Besides, kids are pretty resilient."

"The team is worried."

"They'll be fine, Jane. They're professionals. They'll get the job done and put the bad guys behind jail like they're supposed to. They got the job done before me. They'll get the job done after me."

"_I'm_ worried," he said finally, frustrated at her cavalier attitude.

She paused. "Well, you – "

"Oh, you're going to tell me I'll be fine, Teresa?"

"You _will_ be fine, Jane. Just – "

"What? Just what? Give it time?" he asked incredulously.

She took a deep breath and let it out. "Jane, going back isn't as easy as you think. There's so much that stands in the way."

"That's never stopped you before."

"This is unlike everything we've ever faced before."

"The Agent Lisbon I know is fearless."

She shook her head. "Wrong again, Jane. Everyone's afraid of something."

"What are you afraid of?"

"You don't know?" she asked as they stared at each other in a sort of visual stand-off. They broke eye contact as a knock came from the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist.**

**Debating on whether to make this the end or to add one more chapter/epilogue. Put your vote in a review! And thanks to all who are still with me on this story :)**

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As usual, Lisbon broke eye contact first as she went to answer the door. "How did you guys find this place?" she asked as she stepped aside to let them in.

"We were tracking Jane's cell," Van Pelt answered.

"Jane!" Lisbon yelled at the man who put his hands up in surrender.

"Enough," Rigsby interrupted. "You two have had more than enough time to say what you need to say. Now it's our turn. We're a family and family doesn't run out on each other. This has been going on too long. You two keep running out on each other and us. It's your turn to listen," he finished strong but ran out of steam and courage. He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly. "Cho, you go first."

Cho shook his head at his partner but turned to face the pair anyway. "Sit down." Lisbon raised an eyebrow but sat down next to Jane when he gently pulled her over to the couch. The three team members came to stand in front of them. Cho crossed his arms like a disappointed father. "First of all," he began.

"We missed you," Van Pelt interrupted, causing all four of them to look at her. She was encouraged by Jane's smile and shrugged. "Well, it's true."

Cho turned his attention back to the pair on the couch. "Second of all, Rigsby's right. We're supposed to be a family and family doesn't treat each other the way you two have been acting lately."

"I beg to differ," Lisbon mumbled under her breath.

"Third of all," Cho continued, ignoring her interruption, "we are family and because of that, we'll always be here for you."

"You especially, Boss," Rigsby interjected. "Jane too," he added, and then muttered, "though I do tend to have my doubts about that sometimes." The man in question smiled, knowing he couldn't really argue with that.

"We need you back, Lisbon." Cho fixed her with his signature stare, not inviting any other options for discussion. "It's time."

Jane held up a finger to the man for a moment before turning toward Lisbon. "Teresa, are you ready?"

Lisbon met his eyes for a brief moment before meeting the other three pairs of eyes staring at her. She stood up, frustrated. "What is this? An intervention?"

"I'd say it's more like the kids are calling a family meeting because Mom and Dad aren't getting along," Jane rephrased. Lisbon snarled in his direction.

"Boss," Van Pelt hesitantly stepped forward. "I don't know what it was like for you growing up. I don't know what kind of relationship you've had with your brothers over the years. But, I do know what it's like to be hurt by someone close to you…to be betrayed by someone you love, to know that a person who you knew to be so wonderful could work for someone so awful and cruel."

"Teresa, what's standing in your way? What are you afraid of?"

"Losing you," she answered, looking Jane in the eye before breaking away to look at her team. "All of you." She paced a bit before turning around to face them, looking only Jane in the eye. "You just don't get it, do you? If I even have a job when I get back, the five of us won't be together much longer. Cho's been ready for his own team. Now that Red John is gone, Rigsby and Van Pelt are experienced enough to have their own teams too. And you," she pointed at him. "You've been chasing Red John for nearly a decade. And now that he's gone, you've been chasing me. You've always said that Red John was your only reason for staying at the CBI, Jane. If I came back, you'd run out of things to chase. How much longer would you stay once you realized there was nothing to stay for? I'm willing to bet you haven't even thought through everything since Red John happened. And all of that…all of you leaving would be fine."

She took a breath to calm herself before turning to the team. "I'd be so happy for you guys…and so proud. I could even take Jane leaving. It's something I've been preparing myself for…for years. I've even been prepared to lose my job. I mean, who's going to trust my judgment after I got drugged and kidnapped by my own brother? But, I've also lost whatever family I've had left. I have nothing else to lose."

Jane decided Lisbon was done with her speech, regardless of whether she truly was or not. He stood and quietly asked the team to give them a minute alone. Cho led them outside.

Inside the cabin, Jane turned calmly toward Lisbon. "Teresa, I know exactly what it's like to have nothing left. But, you haven't lost me. And you haven't lost the team. You haven't even lost Tommy and Annie because I spoke to Annie and they're both worried about you. Teresa, if you want your job at the CBI, then you will have that job as long as it is in my power to help you keep it. As many times as I've put your job in jeopardy, Lisbon, when have I ever caused you to lose it completely? And despite what you think, I don't need something to chase. I'm perfectly content solving murders and catching killers with you by my side."

"By your side in the workplace. I guess it is best, forgetting what happened earlier," she clarified somberly.

"No, now I didn't say that," Jane quickly corrected.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Jane they're not going to let us work together if we were in a romantic relationship."

"Then we don't tell them," he retorted as if the solution were simple.

"You want me to lie to my boss?" she asked incredulously.

"So you are coming back?"

"I didn't say that."

"Not explicitly, no," he grinned as if he'd won.

"A relationship outside of the workplace would be disastrous, Jane. I can barely stand you _in_ the workplace. Do you know how many times I've gone home with a massive headache? I don't need the headache following me. Besides, it's dangerous. Feelings between coworkers blur the lines and boundaries out in the field. People get hurt that way."

"Lisbon, how many times have the both of us put ourselves in harm's way or something or someone else at stake to make sure the other was safe? There have been feelings between us for years and keeping our relationship unromantic won't make them go away. The lines and boundaries have been blurred already and separating us will only make it more dangerous. No one would catch on to my schemes quicker than you. They would never show up just in time like you've managed to do. And who else would you trust to realize the killer's identity in the nick of time to save your life. Face it, Lisbon. There's no separating us. Let's just go back to the CBI and you and I can work out the romantic part of our relationship on our own later."

Rigsby looked to his colleagues as they stood just outside the front door of the woodland cabin. "Think he'll be able to get her to come back?"

"If anyone has a chance, it's him," Van Pelt answered with an optimism she wasn't quite sure she felt.

Cho stared ahead and waited confidently. "They fix each other. They look out for each other. He'll make sure she does what's best for her. It's what they do."

Rigsby and Van Pelt shared a smile. A few minutes later, the cabin door opened to Lisbon and a grinning Jane. "Let's go home," Lisbon said a small smile, allowing the group hug on this one occasion. They were family after all.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist.**

**So, I've been struck with inspiration and decided to do a sequel to Crimson Cabin entitled "Puniceus Protege." Here's a sneak peek and thank you to everyone for being so patient with the late updates on this story!**

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Jane closed the door and quietly crept into the tiny apartment's living room, eyeing the folded, empty cardboard pile that would soon become a collection of boxes. Despite his frequent visits over the past few months, that was the all he was here…a visitor. "So…" he stalled, rocking back on his heels as he gauged Lisbon's reaction.

"So," she answered quietly, calmly, as she continued to pack her living room into the boxes.

Clearly, she wasn't going to throw him a bone. He was going to have to be more forthcoming. "As much as it pains me to say this, Lisbon…that did not quite go exactly the way I would have liked."

She sighed slightly and shook her head though she never looked at him."Jane, I knew they were going to fire me over our relationship. It was only a matter of time."

"I thought we could keep it secret," he admitted somberly.

"Because that worked so well for Rigsby and Van Pelt," she retorted dryly. It didn't escape Jane's notice that she had yet to look at him.

"Well, their mistake was coming clean and telling you."

"Not true," she refuted without raising her voice in the slightest. "Hightower figured it out without me saying anything."

"That's because they were too obvious. Half the building knew," he reminded her.

"Yes, because completely losing your mind when you thought I'd died wasn't obvious," she commented pointedly.

Jane sighed heavily as he tried to shake off the heart clenching feeling. "How was I supposed to react, Teresa?"

"And here I thought you knew a con when you saw one. Jane, as many times as you've made a play to catch the killer, how can you not recognize one even if you aren't a part of it?" She finally turned to look at him.

And not for the first time when she confronted him head-on, Jane lost his usual ability to articulate. "You were – or I _thought_ you were…I'm surprised you haven't noticed already, Teresa. It's not easy for me to keep my grasp on reality when you're in danger."

She turned her attention back to the boxes. "Regardless, I didn't have much choice but to tell Chief Gable the truth after the scene you made."

"I still maintain that she's being unreasonable, Lisbon. I gave several convincing arguments as to why she shouldn't fire you. I even offered up my job."

"Yep, and she took you up on it too."

"What's going on? Where are you going?"

Lisbon sighed, losing the little patience she had left. "I've been fired, Jane. I'm going to have to find another job and I won't be finding it here. That means moving. I don't know where yet – "

"But packing and organizing helps you when you're stressed."

"Yes."

"So, FBI?"

"You think they'll want me?"

"The agent that took down Red John? Absolutely."

"The agent that was practically delivered to Red John," Lisbon correctly wryly.

Jane hid his grimace. "Call it strategy."

Lisbon stopped packing and faced him. "And what are you going to do?"

"Maybe start a consulting business."

"Back to your psychic days? Are you really sure that's the best idea?"

"I wasn't talking about that type of consulting, Lisbon. Why not just do what I did for the CBI as a private contractor?"

"Because you won't be in business for long with the way you piss people off," she pointed out with a smile.

He gave her a chastising look. "Contrary to popular belief, my dear Lisbon, I can control myself. Besides, I've always had you to smooth the ruffled feathers."

"And how am I supposed to do that if you're an independent contractor?"

"You could – "

"Oh, no no no. You are not talking me into this."

"Come on, Lisbon. You could be my Watson."

"In what universe?"

"This one," he answered with his most charming smile. "Come on. You already know you're going to say yes. Might as well do it now and save us both the trouble." He could see her thinking of excuses. "And you wouldn't even have to pack."

"And just who would pay for these services?"

"CBI, most likely, since they just lost the both of us; FBI possibly; local LEOs most definitely…people who don't want to get the police involved…"

"Got it. Thanks. We're going to need a place."

"That should be easy enough. You said we," he pointed out with a big smile. "Does that mean you're in, Teresa?"


End file.
